Pisses me off
by Atrusa Solaris
Summary: Crossover fic! when Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and crew are pitched headfirst into a vortex, everyone gets seperated in the Naruto world. Now Jeff needs to find them before hell breaks loose. Psht, Yeah Right! Totally redone. Naru/Hina Saku/Sasu
1. Chapter 1

New and improved! Edited for grammer. I Apologize Milk Sake and Dango. I did not realize what I was doing. Thank you for pointing it out. Enjoy!

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company.

* * *

"Thank you! Have a nice night and be safe!" Jeff Dunham and one of his puppets, Marvin gave a bow. As the ventriloquist began packing up, a young stagehand approached him.

"Need any help sir?"

"Sure, here. Take this out to the Blue Prixis." Jeff Handed the young man a box with his beloved puppets inside.

"Noooo!! Infidel Jeff!! I thought I said not to put me back in here with HIM!!" A terrified Arabic voice emitted from the box. Following the cry a demonic laugh came from what sounded like an old man. "ARGH!! Jeff! I KILL YOU!!" The stagehand just about dropped the box, not having seen the entire show, having snuck off to smoke.

"It's alright." Jeff laughed. "I'm a ventriloquist, they're just puppets." The stagehand laughed shakily.

Everything was just about loaded when the stagehand said he had to go. Jeff thanked him and grabbed the case that the stagehand had nearly dropped and was about to put it in the car when something caught his eye. He turned to see a swirling black and purple mass behind him in the parking lot. "What the?" He approached it, case in hand. Suddenly he was pitched forward into the mass. While he was screaming, the case somehow came open and his four most beloved puppets flew out. There was a flash and a voice came that sounded scarily familiar.

"Holy Hell!"

"What the hell?!" Jeff screamed, for it was not he behind the voice like it always had been.

"AIYE!!" José the Jalapeño on a stick cried. Peanut on the other hand was giggling like an idiot.

"This is FUUNNNNNN!!" He screamed. One by one, the puppets began to fall away before finally Jeff himself fell. He felt the impact of something hard and vaguely smelled flowers before everything went black.

* * *

"Tsunade-sama!" Gemna ran into the office of the Hokage. Lady Tsunade sat behind her desk, piled with paperwork needing to be done.

"What?" The woman snapped, annoyed at being disturbed, having finally knuckled down and was making significant progress on the looming stack.

"A strange man has been found on the roof of the Yamanaka Flower shop. Should we take him to Ibiki-san for questioning?"

Tsunade considered the young shinobi in front of her. She really didn't need any distractions, but what the hell. "No, bring him here."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama."

With that he took off. Ton-Ton squealed and looked up disapprovingly at her mistress. "I quite agree Ton-Ton. This will need some sake to get through." The Hokage then leaned back in her chair and opened the hidden panel in the desk that Shizune had not yet found and removed the ceramic bottle. "Cheers."

"Wait, were am I? Were are we? Hey! I'm talking to you!" A panicked voice came echoing down the hall. THe door opened to reaveal Kotetsu and Izumo dragging an indeed strangely dressed man.

Tsunade took a swig of sake as Shizune followed the three men in. "Tsunade-sama! You shouldn't be drinking this early in the morning!" She reprimanded. Tsunade chose to ignore this, addressing the stranger instead.

"State your Name and business in Konoha. Now!"

"Where?" the man asked, throughly and genuinely confused. Tsunade sighed. This, was going to take awhile.

A half hour later, progress had been made. They had established the fact that the man was not from this world. "It's alright. We've seen weirder things chucked out of the portal than the likes of you." Tsunade and the rest shuddered at the memories of various screaming teen and pre-teen girls with eyes that changed colors claiming they were an Uchiha, Naruto's sister, cousin daughter, wife, Kakashi's wife or daughter, Sabaku no Gaara's wife or daughter or lover, Itachi's lover or daughter, Orochimaru's daughter etc etc.

"Look, you HAVE to help me Tsunade-sama." Jeff was desperate at that point. "Who knows what havoc they'll wreak if they've really come to life! Especially Peanut! Well, Walter wouldn't really do much, but still!" He cried.

"What would you be willing to pay?" Tsunade asked.

"My earnings from the last two nights." He then threw a high pitched squeak from Ton Ton's direction. "Please?" Shizune jumped.

Tsunade sighed. "What do these puppets look like?"

"So you'll help me? THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!" Jeff Jumped up and nearly crushed the Hokage in a hug. She cleared her throat. Jeff immeditly backed off. "Um, sorry about that."

"It's quite ok, Dunham-san. Just don't do it again." He chuckled nervously, wondering what the hell he had gotten into.

* * *

Reviews please? I tried, I really did. The prolouge sucks, but it gets better, I swear!


	2. Chapter one: Where the Hell are we?

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company.

Chapter one: Where the hell are we?

* * *

**Location:** Apartment of Uzumaki Naruto. Konoha

"Where the Hell am I?" Walter grumbled. As always, he was in a foul mood. He _had_ just fallen through a portal after all. "Looks like I'm in Japan or something like that." He sat with his arms crossed. "Well, at least I won't have to face the wife tonight. Damn bitch just won't die."

"What the Hell?" The door behind him had opened to reveal a blonde boy dressed in orange.

"Is that anyway to talk to an old man?"

"You Talk?" Naruto poked the old man.

"Hey! Don't touch me you dumbass!" Walter growled.

"Sorry, I've never met a talking puppet before." Naruto considered this grouchy puppet. It could be handy later. Walter was also considering the boy. He then had a wicked idea. This kid was annoying, like his grandson. He had found an efficient way before to get his grandson to leave him alone. But would it work on this dumbass? It was worth a try.

"Hey kid. Come here." Naruto bent down cautiously. "My finger's jammed. Do you know how to un jam it? Pull on it will ya?" Naruto foolishly complied, then reeled over, nearly passing out. Walter had given his trademark "Walter fart" as Achmed had so deemed it with horror. The old man then let loose one of his trademark cackles.

"Oh Kami!! Is this how that Baka Kiba felt like during the Chuunin exams?" Naruto howled as he attempted to rid his senses of the smell. Walter continued cackling. This kid was going to be fun to mess with.

**Location:** Kazekage Sabaku No Gaara's Office, Kazekage tower, Suna

Peanut looked around. The office he was sitting in was pristine. Nothing out of place. Not fun. He found a plant, but that was it. The puppet pouted in a corner for about ten minutes before accepting the fact that he just needed to entertain himself. Pity Jeff wasn't here to do it. Peanut thought of some fun things to do and began to giggle manically.

Sabaku No Gaara was not in a pleasant mood. The Daimyo of the Wind Country was demanding a shipment of 200 lizards. He had discovered a severe insect infestation and wanted to deal with them the "Natural Way". The lizards were rare, but that didn't discourage him. The insects were their natural prey. Personally, Gaara thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever heard of. He paused before grabbing the handle of his office door. He heard giggling from the other side. His eyes narrowed immediately. Kankuro knew much better than to bring his lady friends into Gaara's office. Then, against his better judgment, Gaara slowly opened the door to reveal utter chaos in his once perfectly beautiful office. He froze in shock at the sight of the yellowish green and purple thing causing it.

Peanut paused in what he was doing. "YAY! A PERSON!" He shrieked in excitement. He then leapt upon Gaara without hesitation. "HI, I'M PEANUT! WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LET'S BE FRIENDS!!" Peanut screamed. Gaara was still frozen in complete and utter shock at what just happened.

**Location:** Somewhere deep within the Land of Tea

Achmed the Dead Terrorist groaned. If he had had skin, it surely would have been black and blue. "This," He growled. "This is worse than the pre-mature detonation." The suicide bomber then studied his surroundings. He did not recognize any of them. "Great! Where is Infidel Jeff? More importantly, where the hell are my 72 virgins?" The skeleton growled. He got up and shakily staggered to a tree. "ARGH!" He snarled at a curious squirrel. The squirrel disregarded the growl and proceeded to scamper happily upon Achmed. He screamed and began to try and shake it off. "GET OFF!! I KILL YOU!"

"That was a fun one, yeah." Deidara and Sasori had just finished up a major assassination mission. "It got a bit messy in the end, but still fun...un." He commented, vaguely aware of the dried blood covering his front.

"Anytime you get to blow things up, you deem it fun." The puppetmaster snarled. "Plus, once again you were unprepared. You ran out of clay and had to revert to kunai."

Deidara stopped. "Hey, I'm almost out un! I needed to save some for the way back at least!" The bomber then paused. "Hey, Sasori no danna?"

"What?" The man snapped at the blonde.

"You hear something?" Sasori stopped to listen.

"ARGH! I KILL YOU FURRY BASTARD! MAY ALLAH HAVE NO MERCY ON YOU!" Deidara cautiously approached a bush and pulled the branches back to reveal a skeleton with a turban, ponytail and beard fighting a squirrel. The squirrel looked up at the blood covered giant and ran off. "HAHAHA! I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A BLUE PRIUS YOU SQUIRRELY BASTARD!" Achmed screeched after the fuzzy mammal. Deidara stared in utter confusion at the dead terrorist. Achmed then looked up at the blood-covered man. "Hahahaha..." He laughed a soft evil laugh. "Greetings...infidel."

**Location:** Bedroom closet of Uchiha Sasuke. Land of Sound.

José the Jalapeño on a Stick was muttering various spanish swears. He was in the dark, presumably a closet judging by the clothes everywhere. And still on a stick. After a bit of reasoning and meditation, José decided that it was best to wait to be discovered and began to sing mariachi to pass the time.

Uchicha Sasuke was royally pissed off. He had yet to master that new jutsu the snake bastard was teaching him. Plus, now that psycho bitch Karin was stalking him. Given the choice between Sakura and Karin, He would have already chosen Sakura in a heartbeat, but now even more so. Even if she had been a bit more annoying, at least she had never tried to rape him in his sleep. Sasuke stormed into his room and directly into the bathroom, stripping and getting in the shower. He had left the Leaf village for _**this**_?! He began reminiscing on the Cherry blossom and number one hyperactive ninja.

As he got out, he paused while drying off. He swore he heard something. Pulling on a bathrobe, Sasuke cautiously ventured into his room. He identified the noise as...Mariachi music? It was coming from...His closet? Sasuke grabbed a kunai from his bedside table and flung open the closet door. He scanned and saw nothing until he looked down to see a pepper with a sombrero and face. On a Stick. "Hola Señor. Coma estas?" Sasuke screamed in terror and shock as he ran out of the room and down the hall.

"KABUTO! THERE'S A TALKING MEXICAN PEPPER IN MY CLOSET!"

"I'm Puerto Rican! And a Jalapeño. ON A STICK!" José screamed after the Uchiha.

* * *

I hope that one was better than the last one. Reviews? Please?

Peanut: YEAH!! YAYAYAYAY!!

Me: no more sugar for you.

Walter: Yeah you psycho crack head!


	3. Chapter two: What the hell?

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company.

Chapter 2: What the hell is wrong with you?

* * *

**Naruto's new name**

Walter cackled at the knuckleheaded ninja's face. "Lemme tell you something kid, I did that once to my grandson two seconds before an earthquake hit. Kid hasn't come near me since."

"Gee, I wonder why." Naruto muttered sarcastically. He was trying unusually hard to not flip out at this old man. He was just a little guy after all.

"Who are you anyways sonny?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going to be Hokage one day dattebayo!" He cheered.

"What the hell is Hokage? Sounds like a fish." Walter questioned. Naruto's eye twitched.

"Y-you don't know who Hokage is?" He asked in complete disbelief. "The Hokage is only the most powerful ninja in the village and is the leader of the village!"

Walter stared blankly at him. "So you want to be a politician. Big whoop and I hate to break it to you kid, but there's no such thing as Ninjas you dumbass." Naruto started shaking slightly.

"Well, look at this!" He promptly created four shadow clones.

"Oh my god, they've reproduced." Walter groaned. Naruto's clones disappeared into smoke. 'This guy…." Naruto thought. Before he could finish the thought, Walter interrupted. "Hey, I'm hungry. Where's a decent place to eat around here?"

Naruto's face lightened up immediately. "Ichiraku Ramen bar of course!" Naruto practically screamed.

"Don't know what the hell ramen is, but let's go."

Ayame and her father stared at Walter in bewilderment as he sipped a cup of green tea. "Byyyyahhhh…." He pulled a face at them. Teuchi turned away and began cooking up more ramen as Naruto was finishing up his fourth bowl. "Is it really healthy to be inhaling that like that?" Walter complained. "You're gonna choke dumbass."

Naruto promptly dropped his bowl on the counter. "My name is Naruto! Not dumbass!"

"Well, I'm not going to remember your name and it's easier just to call you dumbass, dumbass." Walter defended. Naruto raised his fist to send Walter flying when a girl entered, and quickly ducked out with an "Eep!"

"Huh?"

Naruto got up and looked around to see Hyuuga Hinata leaning against the side of the stand furiously red and playing with her fingers. "Oi, Hinata-chan. What are you doing?"

"Oh h-hi N-Naruto-kun." She squeaked. "I was j-just leaving. I-it's a bit c-crowded in there." With that she took off down the alley.

Naruto re-entered the stand and sat down. "Man, she's so weird." He commented. Ayame chuckled and shook her head as she passed Naruto another bowl. "Whaaattt?" He whined.

"You dumbass." Walter grumbled.

**Temari Traumatized**

"Get. Off. NOW." Gaara growled through gritted teeth, finally having recovered from the shock.

"Oh come on, come on! Let's be best friends?" Peanut squealed.

"NO!" Gaara yelled and shook the puppet off.

Peanut sulked in the corner. "Y-you didn't- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO HEARTLESS?" Peanut sobbed. Heartless really got Gaara, ever since Naruto had changed his view on life. Besides, the title of best and first friend truly belonged to the possessed blonde ninja.

"I didn't mean-"

"YAY! THEN FRIEND'S IT IS!" Peanut screamed, without letting Gaara finish his sentence and pounced upon the young Kazekage again. Gaara twitched. He was really trying to keep his temper and demon under control.

"Gaara! I heard screaming! I'm coming in whether you like it or not." Temari opened the door to see the most bizarre sight of her younger brother with what looked like a purple and yellow monkey hanging on him in the midst of his once perfect office which was now looked like Kankuro's room after him digging for a clean pair of socks.

"HI! I'M PEANUT! YOU'RE PRETTY!" The thing called Peanut crowed. 'Oh. My. God.' Was all Temari could think, while giving a look of absolute repulsion.

"Help Me." Gaara mouthed at his older sister, looking positively murderous.

"You know, Jeff would absolutely kill me for this, but you've got nice…ta-tas…" Peanut giggled insanely.

"EXCUSE ME?"

Temari was now scandalized and traumatized at this thing looking at her chest. With that, Gaara pulled the puppet off of him and encased him in sand.

"LEMME OUT LEMME OUT! I'LL BE GOOD I SWEARRRRR!!" The thing screamed.

"What are you exactly?" Gaara asked.

"A woozle puppet of course!" Peanut beamed at the fact that he hadn't gotten killed yet.

"Temari." Gaara said almost too soft to hear in a dangerous tone. "Go find Kankuro. Now." Temari gulped. She wasn't too sure about the state of Gaara's sanity at the moment, but was too creeped and terrified at the puppet checking her out and her little brother's rage to disobey.

**Jeff's sanity is questioned**

Jeff walked alongside Tsunade. He couldn't quite get over the fact that he was in a different world with ninjas. He made a mental note to find a ninja puppet when he got back home. "Judging by your description of events, they could be anywhere across our world. Which is greater than you are thinking. As soon as we reach the academy, I will show you a map." Tsunade informed Jeff briskly. Jeff groaned. This was going to be impossible!

"Can't we send alerts out to the other villages to be on the look-out for talking puppets?"

"Not as easy as it sounds. We might be able to locate this 'Peanut' first. You described him as 'a monkey on crack'?" She asked uncertainly.

"Yeah." Jeff moaned. "Oh why did he have to come into my head like that? Who knows what chaos he'll be creating!" He covered his face with his hands. This was a nightmare! His puppet were going to cause international incidents and it was all his fault for not ignoring the swirling portal. Although he might have backed up into it anyways. 'This guy is certifiable.' Tsunade thought. 'He might have a head injury.'

**Birds of a feather stick together**

"What is it Deidara?" Sasori growled. "We don't have all day. Leader-sama is waiting for us to report back with details. And I have new puppet parts waiting to be installed into the 3rd."

"You better come look at this Sasori-no-danna. Yeah." The blonde said. Sasori lumbered over.

"What the Hell?" Sasori studied the Skeleton. It appeared to be either of a midget or a puppet. He was going with puppet.

"Greetings…other infidel." Achmed cackled. "I am Achmed. Who might you be gentlemen and lady?"

"LADY?" Deidara snarled.

"Oh, excuse me sir. My mistake." Achmed quickly corrected.

"I am Sasori, and the hermaphrodite is Deidara." Sasori answered calmly. "Excuse us, we would stay and chat, but we are keeping people waiting."

"HERMAPHRODITE?!" Deidara fumed.

"Please, you two look like you belong to a group of absolute terror judging by the weapons and blood. May I ask which one, as I also am associated with a group of…terror. A terrifying organization of…terror." Achmed proclaimed proudly.

"Akatsuki, mean anything to ya?" Deidara growled.

"No, does Al Quaeda mean anything to you?"

"No."

"I am a suicide bomber, please allow me to accompany you."

"NO."

"Now, now Deidara. You opened your mouth. We cannot leave him since now, thanks to you, he knows about Akatsuki."

"Let's kill him. Un." Deidara suggested.

"No! I have not received my virgins yet!" Achmed cried. "Plus, I am already dead. Therefore, I cannot die again!" He then cackled at the convenience of the pre-mature detonation.

"He may prove to be useful. You two can talk explosions and leave me the hell alone for once." Sasori started walking away despite Deidara's protests and curses, already planning on how to fully dissect Achmed to figure out his secret to be alive without any other means of doing so. There were no other chakra signatures anywhere other than theirs. Truly curious indeed.

**I'M NOT INSANE!**

"Mexican pepper." José fumed. He was truly insulted. He tried to move and discovered that he could hop around shakily on his stick. "Yay for being on a stick!" José exclaimed.

"Sasuke-kun, what the hell are you talking about?" Kabuto had been woken up from a well-deserved nap by the young Uchiha screaming about a talking Mexican pepper in his closet.

"Come on! I'll show you!" Sasuke was insisting on Kabuto checking this thing out. Finally, Kabuto gave in and walked with the brat. 'Sasuke-kun is really becoming a diva.' He thought.

José decided that revenge would be perfect punishment for mistaking him for Mexican Pepper, when he was a Puerto Rican Jalapeño. On a stick. He found a space behind the door that would hid him from view until the door was closed. The Jalapeño on a stick giggled at the thought of messing with this insulting brat. He shut up when he heard arguing coming from down the hall. A twenty-something year old guy with silver hair stormed in with the offensive boy. José decided to deem him Cockatoo from his hair. The man then opened the closet door and looked around.

"Sasuke-kun, there's nothing there."

"Kabuto I swear he was! He was singing Mariachi music and everything!" Sasuke whined. 'Sasuke. This knowledge of Cockatoo's real name will be useful in the future.' José thought.

"You got thrown pretty hard by Orochimaru-sama during training today. I think I should check you for a concussion." Kabuto said worriedly. Sasuke permitted Kabuto to check. "Nope, no concussion." Kabuto was concerned. Sasuke wasn't the one to pull pranks and he was genuinely convinced that there was a talking Mexican pepper residing in his closet. "Get some sleep Sasuke." Was all his advice before leaving and closing the door behind him.

Sasuke then tore the closet apart looking for the thing on a stick.

"Looking for me?" José called. Sasuke froze and then slowly turned around.

"YOU." Was all he said before lunging for José. José quickly hopped into a tight corner behind Sasuke's headboard.

"By the way, my name is José. And For your information I am a Puerto Rican Jalapeño. On a stick." Sasuke clawed for him, but could not get in after him. The bed was stone, making it nearly impossible to move. José began laughing. Sasuke gave up and instead sulked on the bed.

"You're going to have to come out sometime you know." He snarled. José's response was to sing mariachi.

* * *

OK, Not as good as last chapter. And In response to Secret Identity, Melvin will show up eventually. Maybe Bubba and Sweet Daddy Dee also might turn up.

Review! Please?

José: Si…por favor

Achmed: Ooh, a talking Mexican pepper

José: Puerto Rican Jalapeño! Get it right!

Achmed: SILENCE! I kill you!

Me: ….walking away now…


	4. Chapter three: Everyone's pissed

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company.

Why is it whenever I write Peanut, Cantina Band is all that comes to mind? Alas, the mysteries of the world.

Chapter three: The lurve bug.

* * *

**Kabuto to the rescue!**

Karin snuck along the wall. This time, for sure, Sasuke-kun would succumb to her. She paused. Was that Sasuke-kun singing...mariachi music? HOW ROMANTIC! She nearly swooned in the corridor. "Oh Sasuke-kuuuunnnn…" Karin called as she was in the doorway.

"Oh god no." Sasuke's eyes widened and he began panicking. That psycho bitch just HAD to show up when he thought things couldn't get any worse!

"Sasuke-kun did you miss me while I was gone?" Karin cooed.

"No." Was his rude reply.

"You're so cold Sasuke-kun!" Karin started to sniffle.

"Psst. Señor." José the Jalapeño hissed. "Comfort the poor Senorita." Karin had then thrown herself on him and was sobbing into his chest.

"Get. Off." Sasuke tried to shove her off to no avail. Sakura had never done anything dramatic like this, well except when he left the village, but that was different.

"Karin, off of Sasuke-kun." Kabuto was back with a bottle of something. "Sasuke might have a head injury and doesn't need you making a scene." Sasuke made a mental note to get Kabuto something nice for his birthday.

Karin stalked out of the room, pausing in the doorframe. "I'll be back in the morning Sasuke-kun."

"Please don't."

"What is that?" Sasuke pointed to the bottle in Kabuto's hand.

"Nothing, just an empty bottle. I heard Karin coming down the hall a mile off and figured you might need some assistance. She used to stalk me when she first came here." Kabuto said, pitying the young Uchiha for once. With that he left.

José waited. Then "Hey, Sasuke. Do you not like the poor senorita?"

"No. Don't talk to me."

"Why not, I'm so lonely. Oh so Lonely, I got nobody, I'm all on my owwwwnnnnn oh I'm so lonely!" The Jalapeño on a stick sang.

"Shut up!"

"Sorry. But seriously why do you not like the senorita? Is she really that horrible like a cock-a-roach. On a stick?"

"Yes. Besides, I'm kind of in lo- Wait, why I am I talking to a talking pepper?" Sasuke suddenly snarled.

"We went over this before, Señor. I am a Jalapeño. On a Stick." Sasuke refused to answer that. José gave up and starting humming.

"Stop that."

"No."

**The Beautiful green beasts of the Leaf arrive!**

"What do you mean by dumbass old man?" Naruto practically screamed. Walter glared at the Kyuubi container.

"Well, first off, my hearing's bad enough without you ruining it further and second, if you can't figure it out by yourself why should I tell you?" They had left the ramen stand decided it would be best to hide Walter at the Academy for the meantime.

"What's obvious?" Naruto persisted. Walter merely crossed his arms and looked away. He really was starting to miss the blue Prius driving bastard. At least he wasn't a complete dumbass like this kid, even if he did own a damn annoying Chihuahua. At least Jeff's wife was tolerable unlike his own. Why wouldn't the bitch die already to leave him the hell alone! Sure, he might miss her, but that's what photo albums are for!

"Ne, ne! Tell me" Naruto pleaded.

"No."

"Naruto-kun? Is that you?" A green spandex-clad boy older than the A.D.H.D ninja paused running around on his hands to talk.

"Hey Fuzzy-brows."

"You should be training on this beautiful youthful spring day. It would be a waste of your adolescence to not be taking advantage of it." Rock Lee scolded.

"Well I was going down to the training fields before I found this geezer on my porch." Naruto gestured to Walter.

"Who you calling geezer dumbass?" Walter grumbled.

"Is that a ventriloquism dummy Naruto-kun?" Lee asked, getting closer to examine Walter.

"Get away from me you freak." Walter snarled.

Naruto giggled. "Naruto-kun, you're not being very nice." Lee said.

"I'm not doing it, I swear!" Naruto defended.

"Sure as hell not. Kid doesn't have any brain cells. Do you know what it's like being stuck with him?" Walter complained.

"Um…"

Lee was unsure how to answer when a poof of smoke appeared. "DRAMATIC ENTRANCE!" A voice crowed. Gai-sensei stood there, grinning in the dramatic entrance pose. "Ahahaha…Hello there Naruto-kun. LEE! Why are you not training? You have not completed your 300 laps around the village on your hands!" With that Gai-sensei punched Lee.

"Oh my god, they've multiplied." Walter grumbled.

"Gomenasai, Gai-Sensei!" Lee cried.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

A scene of a beach and beautiful sunset appeared behind them as they embraced.

"Dear god, it's like the gay parade left them behind!" Walter was thoroughly disturbed.

"Who is your friend, Naruto-kun?" Gai flashed his trademark 'nice-guy' smile.

"Oh my god, I'm blind!' Walter howled.

"This is Walter." Naruto grumbled. Walter responded with a stream of comments directed at both the spandex-clad pair and Naruto that cannot be repeated. Everyone stared at the old man, too stunned to speak.

"T-that really is one foul puppet, Naruto-kun." Lee finally said. Walter just cackled.

**Kankuro's assignment**

Temari had looked nearly everywhere for the puppeteer and could not find him. Finally, she checked his apartment on the other side of the complex. "Kankuro! Open up it's important!" She yelled while banging on the door.

Inside, Kankuro reluctantly pulled away from his girlfriend. He got up from the couch and moodily opened the door. "What's so important?" Temari looked past him at the disheveled looking girl on the couch.

"Hi Temari-san!"

"Hey." She responded. "Gaara is er…demanding your presence. We've got a problem."

"How big of a problem?" Kankuro was really not in the mood for one of Gaara's false alarms.

"A relatively disturbing and creepy one." Temari answered. Kankuro groaned and closed his eyes, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Go on ahead Kankuro-kun. I've got to go anyways." The girl on the couch said as she stood up and pulled on her shoes and Chuunin vest while attempting to appear decent again.

"Fine." Kankuro sighed as he also grabbed his shoes.

Gaara was sitting behind his now disaster area of a desk, glaring at Peanut who still encased in sand. "Hey, hey. Can you let me out now?" He squealed.

"No. You are a nuisance."

"Oh come on, come on! I'm not all bad! I CAN BE GOOD I SWEAAAARRRR!" He screeched. The door opened and the two older sand siblings walked in.

"What the hell is that Thing?" Kankuro said slowly.

"That's what I would like to know, Kankuro." Gaara's voice was once more deadly. Kankuro shivered. "It says it's a puppet."

"YAY ANOTHER FRIEND! HI! I'M PEANUT! WHO ARE YOU?" Peanut screamed. "AND PRETTY LADY IS BACK!" Peanut then chose to stare at Temari with a creepy stare. Temari shuddered and moved slightly behind Kankuro, who was at a loss for words. "Hey, hey, is he gonna let me down anytime soon? Come on…WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS!" Peanut directed his attention back to Gaara.

Gaara sighed. "Look, I'll let you down if you swear not to jump up or scream anymore."

"I SWEARRRRRR!!" Peanut screeched. With that, Gaara dropped the puppet and peanut fell to the floor with a thud. He shook his head and sat there, resisting the urge to pounce upon Temari. He began giggling when he imagined the look on Jeff's face if he were there.

"Well?" Gaara was staring intently at Kankuro.

"What?"

"Are you going to take a look at him or not?" Gaara growled. Kankuro gulped.

"Y-yes Gaara."

**Deidara's Impatience**

Deidara was not happy. He had been called a woman and a hermaphrodite within a minute of each other and now he was stuck with the task of keeping an eye on this skeleton of a botched suicide mission. Just as Sasori suggested, Achmed was now attempting to get Deidara to talk about his explosives. Deidara on the other hand, had no desire whatsoever to exchange notes about bombing techniques with the dead terrorist.

Sasori was content that now someone else was keeping Deidara busy while he was trying to think. He was trying to figure out how exactly to go about dissecting Achmed.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Deidara finally snapped at Achmed.

"No. Not until I get my 72 virgins and information about this group called Akatsuki. What are your goals?"

"If it will shut you the hell up, un. No idea. I was forced to join by a complete and total asshole."

"Hmm, interesting recruiting technique. We use the suicide hotline." Achmed laughed evilly. "That was dark, no?"

"You said you'd shut up, yeah!" Deidara spat.

"I still don't have my virgins." Achmed reminded him.

"What is up with you and the virgins anyways?" The fully intact bomber asked.

"Osama told us that if we sacrifice ourselves, there will be 72 virgins waiting for us in paradise!" Achmed explained happily. Deidara laughed. "SILENCE! I KILL YOU!" Achmed snarled.

"Psht, yeah. I'd like to see you try. Un." Deidara chuckled.

"ARGH!" Achmed attempted to leap upon Deidara, who merely sidestepped him.

"If you can beat me up before we get to the hideout, I'll give you more information on Akatsuki." Deidara offered, knowing that Achmed would be unsuccessful. The rest of the journey consisted of Achmed attempting to catch Deidara off guard and Sasori yelling at the two to shut up occasionally.

Sasori could not wait to get back to his workshop where there was peace and quiet and no annoying bombers. Just him and his puppets. He sighed wistfully. The two behind him whoever, were not very aware of moods, were arguing about art and explosions. "SHUT UP!" Sasori screamed.

"SILENCE! I KILL YOU!" Achmed replied. Sasori promptly attached chakra stings to Achmed and held his jaw shut. "I said. Shut. UP." He snarled. Achmed merely send a death glare at him. Sasori kept the dead terrorist bound like that the rest of the way, incredibly pissed off that his plans for peace and quiet had backfired on him. Deidara, on the other hand, was now satisfied. Achmed, was silently planning revenge on the two Akatsuki members. Oh they were going to pay quite dearly. There wouldn't even be enough left of them to run over with a blue Prius. He laughed an evil laugh through his closed mouth, causing the other two to glance nervously down at the skeleton.

"We're here, un." Deidara commented as they looked up at the huge boulder. "Finally."

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Reviews? It wasn't as funny as the last chapter, but whatever. Things will get very, very chaotic next chapter, trust me.

Peanut: -giggle-

Melvin: I shall come to the rescue!

Me: Not yet.

Melvin: What?!

Me: Later, you will show up.

Melvin: Yay! I shall get my costume cleaned!

Walter: Dumbass…


	5. Chapter Four: Progress!

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

Alas! Two updates in one day? This is a new record for me. Please, feel free to listen to Sing Sing Sing during Peanut's portion of this chapter. It makes things more entertaining with background music. J/k On with the story!

Chapter Four: Progress is being made!

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**Peanut's big Adventure**

Kankuro cautiously approached the puppet, which was currently giggling insanely while examining his one shoe.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Kankuro hissed at his little brother.

"Figure out what's making it tick and stop it!" Gaara hissed back.

"Hey, why don't you come with me little guy?" Kankuro grinned a false smile.

"YAY!" Peanut was rather excited to actually go somewhere. "Where're we going?" He squealed.

"Somewhere." Kankuro answered. Gaara was going to own him big time for this. He lead the way into a room usually reserved for A.N.B.U interrogation. "Up on the table." Kankuro instructed as he unrolled a scroll containing tools reserved for repairing his puppets.

"What's you gonna do with that?" Peanut asked as Kankuro picked up a wrench.

"Say good night Peanut." Kankuro was really getting sick of this thing, fast. Plus, the thing would scream all through his inspection most likely if he didn't knock it out.

"Goodnight Pea- oh my god!! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER YOU PSYCHO!" He screamed as he realized what exactly the Puppeteer meant to do. Kankuro swung the wrench quickly as Peanut rolled off the table and made a break for the door.

"Get back here!" Kankuro yelled as the thing took off and he started chasing it down. Gaara would have his head if the thing got loose in Suna!

Peanut skidded around a corner and nearly hit a potted plant. The big guy was chasing him. He began to giggle again at the excitement of it all. Then he saw Pretty Lady at the desk at the end of the hall as Kankuro rounded the corner. "TEMARI! DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!" Kankuro yelled at his sister. Temari looked down and saw Peanut running towards her. She whipped out her fan, meaning to blast it back to Kankuro, but before she could, the thing had started sliding.

Peanut gave a whoop of joy as he slid under Temari's stance and stole a glance up. "Nice panties." He giggled as he ran out the door. Kankuro dashed past his once again traumatized sister after the puppet. Shit, that thing was fast! "Come and get me if you can fat boy!" Peanut screamed.

Oh that did it. This puppet was going to DIE.

"NEEEEROM!" He yelled as he jumped over the head of a jounin. Peanut then spotted an exit. "FREEDOM HERE I COME!" Unfortunately for Peanut, the sugar high that he had from finding Gaara's secret stash of cookies was quickly wearing off and he was slowing down. He spotted a cart full of blankets and other wares and quickly jumped into one of the vases. "Saved from the Psycho." He sighed.

Kankuro looked around. "Shit, shit, shit, shit! Gaara's gonna KILL me!" He then realized that he looked pretty odd standing in the middle of the square holding a wrench. "NRGH!" With that he stalked off to find his girlfriend to at least say goodbye before his little brother could kill him.

**I'M NOT INSANE! part 2**

Sasuke nearly fell asleep waiting for Orochimaru. The damn Jalapeño had kept him up all night. "Sssasuke-kun. You look so tiiiired." The snake man hissed as he entered.

"Yeah well, there's a talking Puerto Rican Jalapeño in my room."

Orochimaru stared at the young Uchiha. Had his container finally lost his mind from his unhealthy obsession to kill Itachi? No, impossible. Orochimaru was now concerned. "Are you feeling ok, Sasuke-kun?" Orochimaru asked.

"I'm fine other than the fact that I got no sleep last night because that THING wouldn't shut up about 'cock-a-roaches. On a stick.' " Sasuke gave a bad imitation of José.

"You got thrown around pretty hard yesterday. Go see Kabuto to check for head injuries." Orochimaru instructed. A head injury, yes, yes. That was surely the reason behind his container hallucinating.

"I don't have a head injury!" Sasuke yelled. "And I'm not going to see that creep!"

Ten minutes later Sasuke was sitting in Kabuto's office. The Medical-nin was currently checking Sasuke's head for any bumps. "I'll have to do a CAT scan for any internal damages." Kabuto informed him. "Disarm." Sasuke emptied out every weapon he had on him. Kabuto looked at the piled on the floor. He noted it came up to about his knees.

"What?" Sasuke snapped.

When the scan was complete, Kabuto was really bewildered by this point. Everything looked absolutely normal.

"Well?" Orochimaru appeared right behind him.

"Everything looks normal, Orochimaru-sama."

"Then why is he hallucinating?"

"I dunno. It might be stress, lack of sleep, or signs of insanity." Then a though struck Kabuto. "Or maybe, Karin slipped something into his food or drink in another attempt to get him. Dammit, I've told her a thousand times not to buy love potions in the market place!" Kabuto snarled.

Orochimaru's expression darkened. "So you think Sasuke was drugged?"

"We have no way of knowing since hallucinogens leave very little evidence."

"But this was before Karin even returned from the new hide-out! You said so yourself that after training is when he ran in screaming about a pepper."

"Then I don't know!"

Sasuke listened in from the other side of the doorway. I AM NOT INSANE! He thought to himself, clutching his head.

He wandered back to his room "Hola, Señor." José greeted from behind the bed.

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke snarled, hurling a shruriken behind the bed.

"Aha, you missed. Idiot."

**I DO NOT HAVE A HEAD INJURY!**

Jeff sat impatiently in the Kohona Hospital while medic-nins examined him. "Nothing wrong, Tsunade-sama." A young nurse reported.

Tsunade sighed in frustration. "Fine, Jeff-san, let's go."

"I DO NOT HAVE A HEAD INJURY!" He yelled as soon as they were outside.

"Riight." They walked to the Academy, arguing the entire way about how hard he hit his head. Tsunade showed him the map. Jeff nearly cried as he saw the size of their world.

"I will check into things. But we cannot send any ninja out a on a wild goose chase!" Tsunade snapped when Jeff started asking questions. "Wait, did you hear that?" Tsunade asked.

Jeff listened hard, sure enough, there came a familiar laugh. "Thank god! WALTER!" Jeff took off with Tsunade on his heels.

**A nest full of Infidels**

Pein stared at the trio in front of him. "He's…a dead terrorist."

"Yes, that is correct." Achmed was in a cheerful mood. "A suicide bomber actually." Sasori had finally let him go. The original pair were feeling quite ignored as Pein continued to question Achmed. Deidara muttered something about 'annoying ass skeleton. un'. Achmed heard and whirled around. "SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!"

"We've gone over this before un. You can't touch me yeah." Deidara snapped.

"SILENCE!" Pein yelled. They both shut up after that. "Now, we could possibly have an opening for you, Achmed." Pein started.

"REALLY? OH this makes up for the lack of virgins. Although I still want them." Achmed cried.

"NO!" Both Deidara and Sasori yelled.

"Mwhahahaha!" Achmed laughed.

**There you are dumbass.**

Naruto and Walter looked up to see a man running towards them. "There you are dumbass!" Walter called.

"Oh Walter, you don't know how relieved I am to find you!" Jeff cried as he nearly crushed the puppet in a hug.

"GERROF ME!" Walter yelled.

Tsunade stood there stunned. The puppet was alive! He had been telling the truth!

"Ne, Ne! Tsunade baa-chan! Who's that?" Naruto tugged on Tsunade's jacket.

"Someone who could be very well responsible for an international uproar." Tsunade said weakly. The two watched as Jeff was excitedly talking to Walter, receiving swears and insults in return. "Jeff-san. We need to go alert the other villages. Naruto, watch the puppet while we're gone. I'm trusting you." Tsunade ordered. Jeff looked rather reluctant to leave his precious puppet with a kid, but followed anyways, hope filling him. "We'll first send a messenger hawk to Suna. The Kazekage is on top of things over there."

**MEANWHILE BACK IN MISSOURI**

The stagehand, who's name was Victor, ran out to the parking lot. "MR. DUNHAM! YOU LEFT-" He froze when he saw the swirling black mass behind the blue Prius. "A case." He finished in awe. Victor approached the portal, not knowing what it was when he was pitched in.

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Short, I know! Reviews? And also a vote, where would you like Melvin, Bubba j (yup, the redneck is going in. He's gonna be fun to and a challenge to write. D) and Victor to show up?

Shikamaru

Tanuza

Jiraiya


	6. Chapter Five: Oh you suck

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

Well, we're getting somewhere. In response to M. Slayer, I go to the internet, find a site with the little things on they and copy and paste into the word and copy+paste that every time. In other words, I cheat. ;;

**Chapter 5 Oh you sick bastard.**

* * *

**You're kidding, right?**

Tobi ran into the kitchen to find his rather pissed off sempai moodily fixing a large mug of tea. "Deidara-sempai!" Tobi cheered as he attacked the man.

"Tobi! Off!" Deidara snarled at the masked boy.

"But, but, Tobi just wanted to say hi..." He sniffed. Then he changed emotions completely. "Sempai, you're a mess. The maids are going to have a fit over your clothes in the wash."

"I'm not in the mood Tobi. Yeah." Deidara warned as the kettle whistled.

"It's so gross Sempai. Even Tobi is aware that it's socially unacceptable to be walking around covered in blo-" Tobi was cut off as Deidara attempted to strangle him. Achmed and Sasori watched form the doorway.

"Do they always act that way?" Achmed asked his fellow puppet.

"Pretty much." Sasori answered wearily. "Deidara. Stop strangling Tobi. It's useless. Go hit the showers, you're disgusting. Tobi, go be a good boy and find out if Koko has finished repairing my spare cloak." Sasori directed at the two feuding males. Achmed laughed at the disgusted look on Deidara's face. Sasori was starting to take a liking to the puppet. Unfortunately, Pein had shot down his plans for dissection. Deidara had left before Pein had told him the other part of his decision, claiming to have to use the bathroom. He'd tell the blonde later.

"So, what are we to do now, infidel?" Achmed asked Sasori.

"We wait for Deidara to calm down and not blow up the hideout, and we also wait for Koko." Achmed nodded. He rather enjoyed tormenting the blonde. It was fun to watch the expressions change. Maybe the 72 virgins could wait. Nah. This was too good.

An older woman in a blue yukata came up with a younger girl in a dark green yukata by her side and a bundle. The older woman looked at the puppets. "Sasori-sama, You must be gentler on these coats. This is the third one this month not to mention the others' coats. Now, where is this new recruit that Pein-sama informed me about." The old woman glanced around as if Sasori had hidden him somewhere.

"I'm right here." Achmed grinned an evil grin at the slight shock on the old woman's and the girl's faces.

"W-well then…"

"Achmed."

"Achmed-sama."

"No, you saying it wrong. You said Achmed, but it's ACKHMED. More phlegm grandma."

"Fine, ACKHMED-sama, I need your measurements for your coat."

"YOUR WHAT?!" Deidara walked in, holding his filthy clothes and dressed in his duds from when he originally joined. The girl went pink and shyly picked up the clothes he had dropped, a bit grossed out when she realized what was on them.

"You did not hear, infidel? We are now a three-man cell!" Achmed grinned and cackled.

**La Cucaracha. On a Stick.**

José was officially bored. Señor Sasuke was refusing to sleep in the room now. Needless to say, that really put a wet blanket on José's plans. The talking Puerto Rican Jalapeño on a stick decided to venture out from behind the bed in search for the young Uchiha. He hopped along, checked the hallway and hopped down, searching for the boy. Finally, he found whom he was looking for, taking a nap on the other side of the building. José checked the closet and saw that Sasuke had moved into the room. It was then José saw the en suite bathroom and noticed that Sasuke was indeed smelly as anything. José laughed at his own idea and hopped off to the shower.

"No…no mom…mommy, there's a talking… Jalapeño...on a stick…Kill it nii-san…" Sasuke mumbled in his sleep. The Jalapeño snickered. "Nrgh ack…" Sasuke woke up coughing. He looked around. He swore he heard laughing. Whatever. He fell back asleep, dreaming of a certain pink haired someone.

José was getting impatient. He wanted to hear this sissy scream like a little senorita again. It was quite entertaining. It was then he heard a clicking noise. José's green color faded as he realized he recognized this particular noise. He turned around slowly on his stick to see it. José's scream woke up Sasuke. Sasuke, still groggy ran unwittingly into his bathroom to see what was up. Then he stopped, rubbed his eyes and blinked to make sure he was indeed seeing what he was seeing. José was cowering in his shower, while there a huge Cockroach clicking in the other corner. On a stick. "I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BIG NASTY COCK-A-ROACH! ON A STICK! BUT NOOO, DON'T LISTEN TO ME!" José screamed at the boy while hopping out like crazy. Sasuke and the cock-a-roach sat and stared at each other.

"Damn Pepper." The Cock-a-roach muttered. Sasuke's screams were heard echoing through the hall.

"KABUTO!!"

**Facing the music**

Kankuro trudged up to Gaara's office. He had properly (and quite improperly) said goodbye to his girlfriend, packed up all his puppets lovingly, and wrote his last will and testament and put it on his bed. He reached for the door when he heard Gaara snarl from the other side of the door. "Konoha…" Kankuro gulped and opened the door to see a swirling mass of sand circling his brother who was reading a paper. "It seems…that thing was from Konoha and they want it back. For a sizable amount of money." Gaara explained softly. Kankuro shuddered and whimpered. "Is it still alive?"

"Y-yes g-Gaara." He stuttered.

"Well, where is it?" Kankuro began backing up, the sand did not look friendly today. Plus, Kankuro saw Gaara's cookie jar empty behind the plant. So that's why the thing was so hyper. Gaara had Temari add energy drinks to the cookie dough to keep him up.

"I'm waiting Kankuro."

"I…don't know." Kankuro closed his eyes and waited for it. He hoped it would be quick.

"What did you say?" Gaara's voice was no longer just Gaara's voice, Shukaku had begun to bleed through a bit.

Kankuro was now trying not to cry like a baby. "I DON'T KNOW! IF YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME JUST DO IT ALREADY!"

"Why would I do that, when I can assign you to go LOOK FOR IT!" Gaara thundered. "It's in this building somewhere isn't it? It shouldn't be that hard to find an insane, giggling, purple woozle!"

"It's not in the building."

It was then that Kankuro knew exactly how it felt to be a bug scraped against concrete by a little kid.

**I AM NOT A DUMBASS!**

Naruto was nearly crying from frustration. Walter was refusing to tell him why exactly he had called him a dumbass in Ichiraku's. "Please?" He whined for about the hundredth time.

"FINE! Look at the girl's behavior around you."

"She blushes and faints a lot and plays with her hands." Naruto said, impatiently. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Walter nearly bashed his head in. This kid was as stupid as he looked. "SHE LIKES YOU DUMBASS!" He screamed. Hinata, who was passing by, planning to tell Naruto this time how she really felt, fainted from pure shock. Naruto heard the thud and looked around the corner.

"HINATA-CHAN!" He yelled, freaking out at the fact she fainted again. Walter got up and watched Naruto fret over the girl like a mother hen. "Hinata! Are you sick again? Why did you pass out? Hinata? HINATA!" The poor girl passed out again. Walter chuckled.

"Ah, young love. Makes me sick." He grumbled.

**Location: Konoha hot springs**

Victor looked up and around. The case was laying next to him. He appeared to be in a resort somewhere. He then heard giggling and splashing. He looked up to see a red flag with what looked like Japanese written on it and an old man with huge long white hair with binoculars and a notebook perched on top of the building. The case fell open

. "Well SHEEYEWT! We're ain't in Kansas no more!"

"Indeed! Good speculation Beer Boy!"

"Don't chew be callin me that!"

Victor looked over to see a super hero puppet and a redneck puppet emerging from the case and talking to each other. "They're just puppets, they're just puppets." Victor muttered to himself as a sort of mantra.

"What chew doin boy?" Bubba J looked over at the freaked out teenager. It was then Victor lost it and began sobbing hysterically.

"I believe that lad is distraught." Melvin stated.

"Naw, I think he's just upset." Bubba said.

* * *

Yeah yeah. I know, not as good. Peanut will be back next chapter. And Melvin and Bubba and Victor are here! Hooray! Review?


	7. Chapter six: You Perverts

* * *

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

Answers to questions! Who is Victor? Victor is an OC. Remember the stagehand we met in the beginning of the story whom Jeff scared the shit out of? Yupp, that's Victor. Here's just a really brief profile on him; He's roughly 17, enjoys eating, making fun of really bad movies, smoking and hiding out in the air vents above the girl's bathroom with his buddies. He immensely dislikes homework, school in general and when people put hot dogs in mac&cheese.

While we're at it, I might as well give brief profiles on the two Akatsuki Maid OCs in this chapter.

**Koko**: Age: who knows? Older than 70, younger than 120. Job: Seamstress and head maid. Likes: order, cooking, sewing, Tobi, holding contests at celebrations to see who can guess her age (no one's won yet) dislikes: Hidan's mouth, dirty laundry, messes and at the moment Achmed

**Fi**: Age: about 16-17. Job: younger maid. Sold to Akatsuki by a raid party who destroyed her tiny home village in exchange for their lives when she was about six. Her daily jobs include cooking, cleaning, laundry, making beds, assisting Koko with repairs and making sure that the bathrooms are in order. Tobi likes to sneak candy from her stash behind the freezer. Likes: Music, cleaning, Deidara. Dislikes: cleaning toilets, Nori, and wasabi

* * *

Chapter Six. YOU PERVERTS!

**I AM NOT INSANE! Part 3.**

Karin was walking down the hallways searching for Sasuke. Again. He had eluded the past 48 hours, oh but she was going to find him, even if it killed her! She heard screaming down the hall. "KABUTO!" Sasuke-kun? Her ears perked up and she took off in that direction. He had been hiding his chakra signature from him, but she found him quivering in the corner of a spare room holding his katana in a defensive position with…a pepper on a stick? "Sasuke-kun? Are you alright?"

"SHH!! It will hear you!" He hissed violently.

"Si, senorita. Tis a huge nasty cock-a-roach. On a stick." The pepper whispered in a Spanish accent.

"Is that a pepper?"

"Jalapeño!" It snapped. "On a stick!" it added. There a clicking noise coming down the hall.

"Oh now you've done it!" Sasuke snarled at the two.

"Not my fault the senorita was being racist Señor Sasuke-kun."

"Shut up José! It will hear us!"

"Too late." José sighed as the Cock-a-roach rounded the corner.

"Then we run!" Sasuke grabbed the Jalapeño and ran down the hall, leaving Karin to the cock-a-roach.

"Sasuke-kun! Just don't leave me behind!" Karin whined. She heard the clicking stop and turned around. "KABUTO!"

Kabuto shook his head, trying to clear whatever happy dream he was having. It was about 2:30 in the morning and already those brats were screaming for him. What the hell could they need now? He fished around for his glasses on the bedside table and reluctantly got up. He trudged with a kunai all the way down the corridors before finding Karin shivering in a closet. "What?" His tone was deadly. He could easily slap around Sasuke-kun later, but Karin was a different story. She was quicker than Sasuke.

"Cock-a-roach." She whispered in horror. "BIG COCK-A-ROCH." Her eyes were wider than dinner plates. She grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "On. A. Stick." She whispered, shaking him with every word, eyes full of terror. Oh great. Kabuto thought. Another crazy one. Oh well, might as well throw her in with Jugo. No big deal. He got up, grabbing her by the hair and stalked off to find the other brat who woke him up initially. He was in a killing mood.

**SCREW YOU!**

Koko was in an equally murderous mood. The damn skeleton wouldn't calm down. He was convinced that she was trying to kill him with the needles. Koko was getting to the point of sending off Fi, the teenaged assistant, to go do laundry and wait for the skeleton to calm down. It was quite pointless at that point as Koko was pissed, Fi was distracted by Deidara being in the room and Sasori was arguing with Deidara. It was quite nerve-racking. Finally, she threw down the measuring tape. "Screw it! Fi, lets go." The old woman snarled. The young maid followed the old woman out the door reluctantly, still carrying the pile of clothes Deidara had dropped in shock at the news.

Deidara started glaring murderously at Achmed. "What did I do? The bitch was going to turn me into a voodoo doll." Achmed defended. "She can't see worth crap."

"SO? Doesn't mean you can't sit still so you can get the hell out of my room, yeah!" Deidara screamed.

"Your room?" Now, Achmed looked around and saw various piled of clay and paint everywhere. "Oh…In that case." Achmed made mental notes of everything's position in the room. It would come in handy later. "Fine, then I shall 'Get the hell out' as you so politely put it." Achmed glanced at Sasori. "Where are my quarters?" Sasori sighed.

"Follow me."

Koko stormed down the hallway. "Koko baa-chan! Please wait up!" Fi scrambled after the old woman. "I'm sure he wasn't intentionally doing it."

"Hmph. You still have so much to learn, Fi-chan." She turned down a second hallway. "We'll try again after dinner. But first, go wash those, they're making me sick and go put on a new yukata. They've stained yours." She called over her shoulder. The door to Koko's sewing room slammed shut. The girl sighed then took a look down. The clothes had started to reek and had indeed left a faint rust colored stain on her front. Nothing big. It took an effort to not vomit thinking about how the stains had even gotten on his clothes in the first place. Well, they're not S-ranked criminals for nothing. She thought miserably as she headed off to the washroom.

**Not techno music unfortunately**

Jeff, Shizune and several other Jounin had started heading towards Suna. They had located Walter, and according to the Kazekage, They had located Peanut. After he had gotten into the Kazekage's stash of energy drink laced cookies. Jeff had started slamming his head against the wall when he heard that and now had a headache, which Shizune was trying to heal during breaks. To Shizune and the shinobi, it was a pain having Jeff along. It meant that they could not go as fast because he was not capable of the speed they were.

The group was now in the middle of the Wind Country's infamous desert. "Are you positive we're going the right way?" Jeff asked nervously.

"Yes. I make regular trips out here for business." Genma answered lazily. That did little the reassure Jeff's mind. They were passing the outer cliffs roughly 5 miles away from the village when a roaring noise started up.

"SANDSTORM!" Shizune yelled over the noise.

The group dove into a cave and had no choice but to wait for the storm to pass. "How long does it usually take?" Jeff asked, unsure.

"Anywhere for 15 minutes to 2 days." Genma began picking his teeth with the senbon in his mouth.

"WHAT?" Jeff freaked out. 2 days and Peanut might have escaped by then. The hope he had regained from finding Walter began to fade.

**Peanut's short Suna Adventure**

Peanut began to feel sleepy from the motion of the cart. He started to drift off when the cart stopped. Then he heard a scream and looked up to see a girl about 8 years old looking in the vase he was hiding in. "Mommy! There's a weird monkey in the vase!" Peanut decided that it was a good time to leave. He quickly escaped as the girl's mother came over.

"There's nothing in there dear."

"But, I swear there was!"

Peanut's stomach started to rumble. As he looked around, He found he was in a different marketplace than the one before. This one was covered in food, rugs, scarves, and livestock. Everything the little woozle could only have dreamed of or saw in Aladdin. "If only Jefa-fa was here. Hahaha…Jefa-fa. DunHAM. Dotcom." He sang to himself while snatching an apple. He saw a girl who looked like pretty lady walking across the square. In fact, it was Pretty Lady! Peanut nearly ran up and tackled her, but then remembered it was her brothers who were the psychos. He was about to hide before she saw him, but it was too late, she had spotted him.

Temari gulped and swallowed her mental scars. "Come here little fella, I won't hurt you." She cooed at the strange creature. Temari had her hand sized fan hiding in her obi, planning on giving it a concussion with the iron handle when she got a hold on it. Peanut cautiously approached her. He wasn't too keen on the idea of going near her. She slowly moved her hand into her obi when he was about a foot away from her when he looked up, and then ran off. Temari swore and took off after him.

Peanut looked around, carpets, olives, fruits, vegetables, aha! Vases. He dove into one. Temari saw him go in. She immediately went to the one he was in and threw a kunai in to disable it. Peanut screamed in pain as it hit his foot. Temari reached in and grabbed him. As she was pulling him up, she pulled out the small iron fan.

Peanut looked at her. "How you doing?"

"None of business." Temari snapped.

"Well, good, bad?" Peanut was attempting to keep her talking while he thought of a way out.

"Fine, now that I get you back to Gaara so he doesn't murder Kankuro."

"That's g-g-g-good!" He cackled. With that, Temari brought the fan down upon his head, dazing him. "Mommy, I see pretty stars." Peanut slurred. Temari figured that was good enough and started heading back.

**Hey other dumbass, pull my finger.**

Naruto was carrying Hinata to the hospital. Walter trailed along beside him. "So. Obvious now, ya dumbass?" Walter gloated.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say old man." Naruto glowered at him. Naruto was confused in his feelings. He had never really thought of Hinata as more than a friend before. A really weird friend. But now, looking back and adding it all up, it made sense. But he always had liked Sakura-chan. But She had always and would always like Sasuke-teme.

"Let me guess, you like someone else?" Walter interrupted his train of thought.

"Maybe." Naruto really wasn't sure now. He hadn't really thought about it much.

"Teenagers. You and your hormones won't last long." Walter grumbled.

"Naruto! Why are you carrying Hinata?" Inuzuka Kiba came running up with a dog.

As Kiba was discussing Hinata's state of consciousness with Naruto, Akamaru was sniffing Walter curiously. "Get away you fur ball." Walter snapped, swatting Akamaru on his nose. Akamaru whimpered and tucked his tail between his legs. So, this is Kiba. Walter thought, remember the quote from the dumbass.

"Hey, you kid." Kiba looked down.

"What?" "My finger's jammed. It hurts, could you pull it out?" Walter asked, feebly.

"NO! DON'T DO IT KIBA!" Naruto yelled. Too late. Kiba pulled Walters finger and promptly passed out. Walter cackled.

"Two down in one day! New record!"

**There's no place like home, there's no place like home**

Despite being a teenager with a slight attitude problem, Victor had other emotional issues. This, was going to scar him for life and give his neurologist a field day. Bubba J and Melvin looked down at the teen in fetal position with concern. "You okay doke kid?" Bubba asked, poking him with a stick.

"Don't poke the lad, beer boy." Melvin stated. "He might be injured. This looks like a job for…Da da-da Daaa…Melvin!" The puppet struck a heroic pose.

On the roof of the bathhouse, Jiraiya heard someone sobbing. He turned around to see two midgets and a teenager in a fetal position. He jumped down to investigate. Upon closer inspection, they appeared to be…puppets?

"Who're you?" The one with a potbelly demanded. Jiraiya ignored him.

"What's with him?" Jiraiya gestured at the teenager.

"He's distraught." Melvin stated confidentally.

"Naw, dunt listen tah him. He's jus upset, that's all." Bubba J argued.

Jiraiya stared at the pair. He had half a mind to walk away, but decided to at least take the kid to the hospital. Jiraiya bit his finger, made a series of hand signs and slammed his hand on the ground "Summoning Jutsu!" A huge toad appeared. "Take the kid to the hospital." Jiraiya instructed. The kid screamed as the toad grabbed him with its tongue and disappeared.

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Reviews? Poor Victor…This'll probably cause him to go over the edge.


	8. Chapter Seven: Attempted Murders abound!

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

In response to BuBbLe GuM cHeRrY, Sweet Daddy D will not be making an appearance. He is currently in one of the packed cases in Jeff's Prius.

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Chapter Seven: Attempted murders abound

**This can't be good.**

Deidara kicked the wall. He really was not in a pleasant mood. He needed rest, and to get drunk to the point of passing out. The skeleton was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. First, he had finally calmed down enough in the shower only to find Sasori no danna and that THING in his room with the old hag Koko and Fi with various sewing equipment for Achmed's official coat. Oh this just pissed him off to no end. What was next? Giving him Orochimaru's freaking ring? Plus, he now had to work with that failure of a bomber. He didn't even prepare the bomb right if it went off early! How did Leader-sama expect him to be useful? Frustrated, he set off to the kitchen, prepared to tear the place apart in search of sake. He hoped that Kisame didn't finish it all after that Leaf idiot kicked his ass. He then remembered his laundry and dinner. Sighing, he decided the alcohol could wait until he at least put away his stuff and ate. Maybe Fi even had some sort of sweet hidden on her. Koko did not permit the maids to have more than a very low amount of sugar, causing them to sneak them in from the village when getting groceries. It didn't help matters when the members would slip them some on special occasions. Plus, Tobi always seemed to be munching on some confection claiming to have gotten it from Fi. Yes, sugar would be good right now, Deidara thought.

Achmed peered around the corner. The Blonde bomber had left in anger. Perfect. Achmed checked his supplies he had stolen off of the other puppet's overstock. Being in a terror organization previously had its merits when it came to setting traps. He would get Sasori back later. He checked and made sure he had everything he needed. Smoke bombs, check. Knives, check. Exploding tags, check. Tar, check. Matches, check. Poison, check. Needles, check. Achmed began to giggle. This was going to be good. After all, even if he had said he was going to kill Blondie, who said he couldn't have fun drawing it out and lead up to it by driving him insane first? This would certainly earn him brownie points with the other infidels. There was only room for one bomber in this organization, and it was going to be him! He started cackling uncontrollably.

Tobi walked by with a stick of pocky in his mouth he had nicked from Fi's stash. He heard demonic laughing coming from Sempai's room that was not Sempai's usual evil laugh. He poked his orange masked face into Deidara's room to find Achmed standing there with a bag of things and setting up various trip wires and triggers around the room. Tobi stood there sucking on the chocolate coated biscuit before finishing it and sliding the mask back over his mouth. He was debating whether or not to stop the skeleton from harming his sempai. Then Tobi remembered the strangle attempt in the kitchen. With that, Tobi quietly closed the door and skipped off to go get more pocky.

**Determination**

Jeff sighed. This was taking forever it seemed. The Sandstorm had finally begun to let up.

"It shouldn't be much longer, Jeff-san." Shizune tried to cheer him up. "Peanut can't have gotten that far." The storm finally ended. Jeff immediately ran out.

"Wait up! You don't know what direction you're going!" Genma yelled after Jeff. Jeff stopped and returned sheepishly. The group left the cave quickly. The hope began to somewhat return. Jeff wasn't leaving Suna until he found the woozle, even if it killed him!

**Fate of the Giggling idiot**

Gaara looked down at the puppet with a mixture of contempt and disgust. Kankuro was currently collapsed in the corner, recovering from the sand attack with help from Temari. Peanut was currently encased once more in sand.

"Your master is coming to retrieve you." Gaara informed the woozle.

"Jefa-fa? Jefa-fa is coming? Yay!" Peanut cheered. Surely Jefa-fa would rescue him from these psychos. He had a headache from the fan and possibly a concussion. He couldn't tell.

"Sir, The Konoha group is here to see you about the monstrosity." A chuunin poked his head in.

"W-w-w-what did you just call me?" Peanut shrieked at the unfortunate Chuunin.

"Send them in. The sooner this THING. is out of here, the better." Gaara said. The chuunin took off.

Jeff paced the waiting area of the office. What was taking the guy so long? The shinobi watched him pace, starting to get anxious themselves.

The door opened and the young man poked his head into the room. "Kazekage-sama will now see you." Jeff nearly ran to the door and followed the man into an office that had appeared to be a very nice office once. Now it was chaos with dirt, sand, broken pottery, shredded paper and writing utensils everywhere. Sitting at the now disastrous desk was a teenager with bright red hair, black rings around his eyes and a tattoo on his forehead. In the corner, two older teens were cowering, one bleeding heavily. Jeff did not know what to think.

"Jefa-fa! You've come to rescue me from these psychopaths!" Jeff looked over to see Peanut's head sticking out of a ball of sand.

"So this thing belongs to you?" The red haired teenager asked softly.

"Y-yes. I apologize for any hassle he may have caused." Jeff got the sense that this kid was dangerous.

A movement caught his eye. The older teen boy was making a motion of grabbing and pointing at the door, then started mouthing "Take it and go."

"Um...I think I'll just take Peanut and go now, Kazekage-sama." Jeff said nervously.

"Please don't be in such a rush. Sit down, let's talk."

The Leaf nins looked at each other, they knew about Gaara. Who didn't know about Gaara? The two in the corner looked absolutely terrified. 'Maybe we should have brought Naruto-kun along after all.' Shizune thought grimly to herself. 'At least it might help the situation now.'

**Insanity. On a stick.**

Kabuto was quite murderous by this point. He was sick and tired of hearing about talking Jalapeños and cockroaches on sticks. He was currently dragging Karin down the hall by the hair in search of Sasuke. He had definitely decided to throw Karin to Jugo. Maybe he'd finally get some peace. He hadn't decided how to deal with Sasuke yet Karin was whimpering in pain. She had never seen Kabuto in this bad of a mood. It took them about 15 minutes to find the young Uchiha hiding in a crawlspace in the basement. There was no sign of a Jalapeño. Unknown to Kabuto, José had wedged himself behind a medical cabinet. "Sasuke." Kabuto growled menacingly.

"Shh…it will hear you." Sasuke hissed in fear.

"What exactly will hear me Sasuke-kun?" Kabuto asked with a look of pure fury on his face. "The 'cock-a-roach on a stick'? The Talking Jalapeño? Explain to me Sasuke-kun." Kabuto then grinned, a grin of a sleep-deprived psycho man-bitch. Sasuke shivered and promptly tried to back up further into the hole in the wall to no avail.

Kabuto caught him by the neck and dragged him out, causing Sasuke to cry out in pain from the pressure in Kabuto's grip and the stone scraping against his skin. "Orochimaru won't like this!" Sasuke cried out in desperation.

"Oh Orochimaru-sama is quite ok with it. You see, he is also fed up with this whole talking Jalapeño on a stick thing and has given me permission to deal with you as I see fit as long as I don't permanently disable you or kill you." Sasuke felt a very rare thrill of genuine terror. Normally, he would have scoffed at the medical ninja and kicked his ass, but this time, he had the feeling it wouldn't be that easy. Kabuto began to giggle insanely.

Sasuke made a mental note to scratch what he made a mental not of before. Kabuto was getting a rabid possum for his birthday.

José listened to the conversation from behind the cabinet. Sasuke was about to get his ass kicked. 'Serves him right for calling me Mexican.' He thought to himself. 'At least the cock-a-roach is gone.' José then listened to Kabuto. The man seemed quite unstable at the moment. From what José understood, the medic had been woken up at least four times in the past 24 hours due to him and the cock-a-roach. On a stick. José guessed he didn't get much sleep to begin with, let alone not being able to sleep due to screaming teenagers. He shrugged it off. He was starting to miss Jeff and the annoying Peanut. José heard an insane giggle. Maybe it would be worth it to stick around a little longer.

**Hey dumbass, entertain me.**

Walter scowled. He was bored. The second dumbass had finally woken up to cuss him out. Walter had responded with equally foul language, causing the boy to walk away with his dog. They had dropped Hinata off at the hospital and were currently waiting in the lobby. The gays had gone away, Jeff wouldn't be back for awhile, and dumbass wasn't talking to him.

"Hey, dumbass." Naruto ignored him.

"Want to hear something?"

"No."

"Well then, I guess I won't give you advice about she-who-faints-a lot." Naruto was listening now. "And here I was going to tell you how to get her to stop fainting and stuttering."

"Ok, tell me." Naruto turned to Walter, curiosity getting the best of him.

"No, you said you didn't want to hear it." Walter turned his head, but was mentally grinning, this idiot was too easy to mess with.

Hinata woke up. She looked around and saw that she was in the hospital. She tried to remember what had happened. Oh yeah, the old man had revealed her secret to Naruto. She buried her head in her hands in embarrassment and moaned. She would never be able to face him again. "Oh, you're awake." A nurse came in. "I must say, you gave that young man quite a scare fainting like that" She proceeded to check her over for injuries or any other causes for fainting.

"I-it happens w-when I'm around h-him." Hinata tried to explain.

"I see."

The nurse gave her a knowing look. "Well, you're fine. You may go." Hinata quickly left the room. As she walked out, she saw Naruto and the tiny old man in the lobby and froze. He was still here? She quickly hid behind a man carrying a bunch of balloons out from the gift shop area and ducked out of the hospital. She couldn't face him, not yet.

**In other wards**

Victor was sitting in the hospital, convinced he had been given LSD. First he fell through a portal, then the puppets come to life, and then he's carried to the hospital by a giant frog! But then he remembered that he had stolen the cigarettes from the store himself, and he hadn't had any food that wasn't inhaled immediately straight out of the package and his mom's cooking. There wasn't any way he could have been given LSD. The doctor came in and listened to him before walking into the hallway. He caught one of the nurses. "Go get Tsunade-sama. We've got another one."

Bubba and Melvin stared up at the man. "An who're you?" Bubba demanded.

"Jiraiya, legendary Sannin."

"Was a Sand-neen?" He drawled. "Sounds like uh sandbox."

"It's means I'm a Legend!" Jiraiya snapped.

"So you area fellow hero?" Melvin asked.

"You could say that."

Melvin nodded in approval. "Then allow Beer Boy and I, Melvin dada da daaa…to accompany you on your adventures."

"No."

"But fellow heroes must stick together."

The argument continued. Bubba began to lose interest and wandered to a fence where he found a hole. He looked in and then whooped in jubilation. "HOOT DAWGY! JACKPOT!" He then refused to budge from the spot.

"Where did Beer Boy get off to?" Melvin suddenly noticed the missing redneck. He then spotted him. "BEER BOY!" He said, scandalized.

"Yer jus jealous cuz you didn't get here first." Bubba looked rather proud of himself.

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Reviews? Next time: What exactly has Achmed planned for Deidara? What is Peanut and Jeff's fate? And has Kabuto finally cracked? Find out next week in "Pisses me off…"


	9. Chapter Eight: Excuses, Excuses

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

I am so sorry! It's been so hectic lately you wouldn't believe it.

Wow….over 2000 hits….I am so honored! e.e

PS Hidan's mouth is censored. I'm sorry, but trying to keep it Teen.

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Chapter Eight: Excuses excuses.

**Sanity? Or Insanity? That is the question.**

Kabuto was currently 'giggle-snorting' as he dragged the two teenagers down the hall. He took a left turn and went down a flight of stairs took another left turn and walked until they reached an iron door. Kabuto threw Sasuke against the wall, unlocked, opened the door and threw Karin in. "Have fun Jugo." He called before slamming it shut and relocking it. "As for you." He turned to Sasuke who was now thinking if he had to pick between Kabuto and the cockroach, he'd take the cockroach. On a Stick.

José hid around the corner. He heard the poor senorita scream as the insane one threw her in a room and locked the door. "As for you," José heard the silver haired boy say. "I need a test subject for this new anti-venom. Don't worry, the last subject died of something else." He giggled insanely as he began dragging Sasuke along the wall. It was then José heard it. The clicking noise.

"AHHH!" Kabuto looked up to see something he couldn't quite make out. Was it? It couldn't be. Kabuto dropped Sasuke and shook his head to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing.

A Jalapeño on a stick was hopping like mad away from a cockroach. On a stick. "It's the Cock-A-Roach! Señor! It's found us!" The thing screamed in a heavy Spanish accent. Now the medic was sure he was hallucinating from the lack of sleep.

"Now do you believe me?" Sasuke snarled.

"No. For this is just an illusion from lack of sleep THANKS TO SOME PEOPLE!" He screamed at Sasuke, shaking him. "It's not like it's the first time it's happened." Kabuto muttered, remembering the time Orochimaru-sama was talking about a dream with talking muskrats. Then he was up for three nights straight with Kimimaro and started seeing talking muskrats. "Some sleep will clear it up. Until then," He snickered. "You'll be in with Suigetsu." Kabuto dragged Sasuke into an experiment room and threw him in a tank of water. "Have fun." Kabuto then turned and stalked off, taking a bottle of sleeping medication with him. He was planning on sleeping for a long time.

**Food…**

Achmed stepped back to examine his handiwork. Looked good enough. After, he had had heard the jokes about people with the yellow hair. He laughed his insane laugh and walked out. Now to plan for Sasori. He needed water, termites, gasoline and a ferret. He wandered off to find such items.

Fi stared at the laundry machine. It was covered in grey sludge and a sign was stuck in it stated it was out of order in neat little handwriting. She sighed, took a bar of soap, and went in search for the large tub reserved for such occasions when the machine was broken. She found it, filled it with hot water and threw the clothes in to soak. She leaned against the wall and sighed. What a day. What with being scarred for life finding out what lurked in the bathtub in Kisame's bathroom, having to re-locate her sugar stash after finding Tobi-sama digging through the bag looking for pocky, a new member, and Koko baa-chan on a rampage. Plus, dinner hadn't even started. She groaned, closed her eyes, and slid down the wall. Why wouldn't this day just end already?

"Long day?" She started and looked up, seeing a certain blonde terrorist a foot away from her face.

"D-Deidara-sama. I-I…your clothes aren't finished yet." She stammered.

Deidara took one look at the washing machine and knew who exactly was responsible. He would deal with Tobi later. "It's alright. Take your time, yeah." He got up to get a better look at the machine.

"Hey." Fi looked up. "Got any candy?" Deidara asked, back to her.

"No, not on me." She answered, a bit scared. "B-but, I do have some hidden if I can find it again."

Deidara poked the sludge. "If you hid it shouldn't you know where you put it?"

"I had to move it. Tobi-sama's gone through half my bag."

He snorted. Tobi. Naturally. "Well, this is going to take a while to soak, un. Let's go look. I need something and dinner's not for awhile. Yeah." Fi stared at him. This was too weird. Normally, she never talked to him, just admired from afar, maybe the occasional small talk while she was changing the sheets and towels. She got up and shakily walked out after him, trying desperately to remember where she'd put it.

Achmed had found the termites. Now he needed a box. A big box. This was going to be good. Oh, Allah would be so proud of him and grant him his 72 virgins! He giggled and ran down the hall, eager to find a ferret. But then, he suddenly ran into something hard. He looked up to see a man, holding a scythe and glaring at him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Greetings, infidel. My name is Achmed. For I have recently joined your terrifying group of…terror. BWHAHAHAHA!"

"Well Achmed,"

"Why does everyone say it wrong?! It not Achmed, it's ACKHMED! MORE PLEGM!"

"SHUT THE -censored- UP! I WAS PRAYING TO JASHIN YOU DUMB-censored- NOW GET YOU ASS OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I SACRIFICE YOU!" Hidan screamed.

"Who is Jashin? Is that your god? Do you get virgins too?"

Hidan took his scythe and knocked Achmed down the hall, scattering termites everywhere and then walked back into his room slamming the door in the process. "I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A BLUE PRIUS!" Achmed yelled from down the hallway as he attempted to recollect all the termites.

**Enter sandman**

Shizune was trembling slightly while Kankuro and Temari were full on shaking with terror. "Please have a seat, Dunham-san." Gaara spoke softly. Jeff nervously did and the chair promptly fell apart.

"My bad Jefafa." Peanut giggled. Jeff glared at the puppet and looked as the sand formed a chair. He cautiously sat down, but the sand held.

"Now, explain very thoroughly why this thing has been set loose in my office." Jeff started explaining about the portal. Gaara sat back and listened patiently.

"I don't believe you." Baki said as soon as Jeff was finished.

Gaara glared at him and Baki immediately backed down. "I do. Baki, do you not remember the regular stream of girls appearing out of nowhere in the desert claiming to be my lover, sister, daughter or challenging me because they believe they have a demon more skilled than the Kyuubi?"

"H-hai, Kazekage-sama."

"Good. Now shut up." Gaara turned his attention back to Jeff. "Now, I highly suggest you take that thing out of my sight. If it ever does come wandering back into my office, both it and you will be dealt with personally by me." He let the threat hang over them. "Dismissed." Temari and Kankuro let out a sigh of relief as Gaara released the sand holding the puppet.

"That was fun, Jefafa!" Peanut screeched as they left.

"Well, we're not going back. That guy scares me." Jeff muttered.

"I don't blame you Jeff-san." Shizune offered. "Gaara used to be quite a handful for the past 8 years, what with killing everyone who got in his way or whoever looked at him oddly."

Jeff looked horrified. A teenager capable of that at such an age? "He's a mons-" Shizune quickly covered Peanut's mouth.

"You can't say anything while we're in the village. He has eyes everywhere." She said without moving her mouth. Peanut's eyes widened.

Indeed, Gaara was sitting at his desk while one of the maids was cleaning the room, third eye activated and watching the troupe leave. The woman who was Tsunade's assistant stopped the puppet from finishing a word. He had a pretty good idea what he was about to say. He watched them until they exited the gate before dropping the jutsu. Now, he desperately needed a cookie. He searched for his cookie jar. Why couldn't he find it? Then, he spotted it across the room. He used the sand to pick it up. It was empty. He began to shake angrily.

"Time to go." Temari grabbed Kankuro and ran for it.

**Blackmail**

Naruto's eye twitched. This old man… "Then why did you even bring it up, dattebayo?" He yelled.

"Because."

Walter was still turned away from him. Naruto fumed and started to sulk in the corner. Then he decided to forget the puppet and go check on Hinata.

"She's signed out Naruto-kun." The attendant behind the desk informed him.

"Then why didn't I see her?"

"She_ is_ a ninja."

Naruto gave up and walked back to Walter.

"We're leaving."

"What about she-who-faints?"

"She's left." Walter nodded. "Lets go then, dumbass."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Walter cackled.

"So what's your advice." Naruto asked for about the hundredth time since they had left.

"For the last frigging time, I ain't gonna tell you, ya Dumbass!" Walter growled.

Naruto picked him up and walked towards the training area. "Where are we going? Put me down! Put me down!" Walter snarled. Naruto ignored him and continued on. He could hear distant noises and soon they came across Team Gai training.

"Tell me or I'll leave you here."

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you." He grumbled. Maybe this kid wasn't such a dumbass after all.

**There's no place like home part 2**

Victor sat, waiting for the one called Tsunade to show up. He didn't have to wait long. "So, you came with these idiots?" Tsunade held out two squirming puppets.

"Let us go yew betch!" The redneck snarled.

"Y-yeah."

Victor look horrified. Tsunade threw them down on the floor.

"Such strength from a female." Melvin marveled. "Tell me, are you a hero too?" Tsunade ignored him.

"Look, I don't care about these two, I just want to go home and smoke." Victor pleaded.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible at the moment."

Victor looked ready to cry again.

"We'll wait for Jeff-san to return from the Sand Village and we'll discuss what to do with you three." Tsunade tried to reason with the terrified teen. After about a half hour of trying to reassure him that he was not crazy, Tsunade decided it was sake time. "By the way, keep them away from the hot springs. We caught them peeping in the women's bath."

Victor looked down at the two, still on the floor. "So, we never fully introduced ourselves." Melvin started. "I am, da-da-da daaa…Melvin, the superhero. And this is Beerboy." He added as an afterthought.

"Aw shove it. I'm Bubba J." The redneck drawled.

"I-I'm Victor." Victor shakily stated.

"Say, Victor, yew like NASCAR?"

"No."

"Yew are crazy then." Bubba gave him a weird look.

Victor sighed. This was going to take a lot of therapy.

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Reviews? I know it's not as good as the others…I'll try much harder next time.


	10. Chapter Nine: The insanity strikes back

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

Alas! For I have found time to update. Huzzah! See? I told you this wouldn't rot in the pit.

Walter: You're still a lying bitch.

Me: Shut up!

Achmed: SILENCE! I keel you both!

Me: I'd like to see you try. Have a squirrel. By the way, I changed my penname. It was bugging me. D

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Chapter Nine: the insanity strikes back

**Death by chocolate**

Deidara and Fi walked down the hallway in search of Fi's candy stash. The young maid had tried several places where she thought she had put it, but none were correct. Needless to say, the bomber was getting impatient. "Can't you remember?"

"Um, wait. Yes! Now I remember where it was." The girl nervously took off down the hallway with the blonde terrorist on her heels. She bent over a ledge and pulled out a bag. "Found it!" She gave a scared grin.

"Why here, un?" He looked around. There wasn't anything distinguishing it from any other hallway in the hideout.

"Tobi-sama doesn't go near Itachi-sama. His room is right there." She pointed at a door a few feet away.

Deidara scowled at the door. God he hated Itachi. Fi held out the bag to him. He took it and dug through it. Just as she had said, Tobi had gone through most of the good stuff. Deidara settled for a chocolate bar. "By the way, I need you to fix something of mine." Deidara said through a mouthful of the chocolate. Deidara started walking away. "Bring that with you." He called over his shoulder. She hurried after him.

Achmed, sensing his time was limited, broke into Deidara's room and hid himself in the closet to watch the action. "This is going to be good." He giggled.

"It's a pair of my pants. They ripped down the seam on my ass when I fell down the stairs, un."

"How did you manage that? The rip I mean."

"They caught on a nail on my way down. Yeah."

Two voices came from out side the door, one belonging to Deidara, the other one Achmed didn't recognize. The skeleton began snickering. He had the box of Sasori's supplies with him. The suicide bomber had contained the termites in a metal box he had found; he still needed a ferret though. A sound of a key in a lock scraped and the doorknob opened. There was a scream from outside. 'But that was not the sound of infidel Blondie.' Achmed thought, puzzled.

A stream of swear words ran out of Deidara's mouth as he pulled the maid back from the door when the heavy battle axe swung at them. Luckily, Deidara knew something was up when he realized his door was already unlocked when he tried to unlock it and was somewhat expecting it. Fi was shaking from the encounter with the weapon, and also red as hell from the fact that Deidara still was touching her. Deidara let go of the young maid as he grabbed the battle axe, pulled it down and entered his room. He raised an eyebrow at the traps around the room, feeling somewhat insulted. He may be blonde, but he was still a ninja after all.

He heard something move in the closet and opened it. "Greetings…still intact infidel." The skeleton grumbled. "Infidel Sasori locked me in here." He lied quickly.

Fi looked in. "Deidara-sama?" Deidara ignored her as he grabbed the skeleton by the beard and dragged him out into the hall. Fi stared.

"Oh, hello slave of the wrinkly old bitch." Achmed greeted.

"Excuse me?"

Fi felt a bit daring, considering the failed bomber had nearly killed her. She normally would have paid very dearly for the disrespect if it were another member, namely Hidan-sama, Kazuku-sama, Itachi-sama, Pein-sama or Konan-sama. Sasori-sama, maybe. Koko baa-chan definately. "I'll be back, un." He said darkly to Fi as he continued down the hall dragging the puppet.

"GERROFF! I WILL DEFINATELY KEEL YOU NEXT TIME! YOU HEAR ME? I KEEL YOU!"

Fi looked at the pair and wondered why Deidara-sama was heading towards Itachi-sama's room.

**Walter frustrated.**

Jeff walked into the gates of Konoha with the group and Peanut. The woozle had fallen asleep somewhere on the outskirts of the desert, thankfully. 'Now where did Walter get off to?' Jeff thought. He would really have liked to keep the group together so that he didn't lose one all over again.

Naruto sat down eagerly as Walter grumbled and was trying to think of what to say to the dumbass. "I really shouldn't tell you anything, ya dumbass." He growled at the ninja.

"Would you rather be back with them?"

"OK, ok. Let's not get too hasty." This sudden spark of genius unnerved Walter. "Look, be nice to her."

Naruto stared blankly. "Is that all?"

"Yep."

"You're lying old fart!"

"No I'm not. Look at my wife. Still attempting to be nice to her after all these years. She's bitch but she's my wife. Who won't die…" He added under his breath. The puppet glared at Naruto as if the nin.

"So just be nice to her?"

"Yes." The old man repeated, quite irritated.

"How?" The old man nearly bashed his head in.

"YOU ARE CLUELESS!" He screamed. "HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HER. COMPLIMENT HER. SPEND TIME WITH HER!" Walter yelled at the young man. Naruto still stared blankly at him. "ARGH!" Walter began slamming his head into a tree.

"Naruto!"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto's face lit up as he saw his old sensei jogging towards him.

"Tsunade-sama wants to see you and the old man."

**Tsunade's problems**

Tsunade looked over the three in the room. The boy, Victor, seemed to be adjusting. Slowly, but surely. The Hokage sighed. Such a pity this kid was so traumatized. "Tsunade-sama. We've returned." Shizune tugged on the Hokage's sleeve.

"Alright. I would like you to inform Jeff-san that we've found two more of his puppets." "Hai, Tsunade-sama." Shizune took off.

Tsunade sighed and walked into the room. Immediately, the trashy puppet whistled. The one in spandex cuffed him. "Don't be a pervert Beer-Boy." Tsunade chose to ignore this.

"They have returned. Please follow me. Don't get lost." Victor got up and followed. Hopefully Mr. Dunham would have some idea on how to go home. The puppets trailed after the teenager, bickering about names. Tsunade led them across town, earning them many stares. Victor, who was self conscious, quickened his pace so that he was side by side with the woman.

Jeff waited in the office. Some young guy had gone off looking for the blonde shinobi and Walter. He nervously tapped his fingers on his knees. "Wassamatter Jefafa?" Peanut asked, the sugar high worn off.

"We're waiting."

"For who?"

"Walter."

Peanut froze. "NOT WALTER!! ANYBODY BUT WALTER!! ACHMED TOLD ME ABOUT THE GAS!" Peanut screamed, also trembling. Jeff rolled his eyes.

"Oh God, I hear that crackhead." An irritable voice snarled from outside the door.

"TOO LATE!" Peanut sobbed. The door opened.

"Well look who it is, Tweedle dee, Tweedle dumb and Tweedle Dumbass in one room." Walter smirked at he glanced at Jeff, Peanut and Naruto, respectively.

"EH?!" Naruto yelled. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY OLD MAN?!"

"Yep, Tweedle Dumbass." Walter confirmed.

"Is there a partay goin on een ere?" A southern voice drawled.

Jeff looked up to see Tsunade, a teenager and Melvin and Bubba J. "What are you two doing here?" He got up and knelt down before them.

"Dunno. But we're here!" Melvin beamed.

"H-hi Mr. Dunham." The teen said shakily.

"You look familiar. Who are you again?"

"I helped you carry cases out to the car. I work at the theatre." The kid said nervously. "I'm Victor."

Jeff nodded. "Ok."

**Kabuto's sanity.**

Kabuto laid down in his bed, having just taken 3 pills. He waited for the merciful sleep. "Kabuto!" A voice hissed. Kabuto screamed into his pillow before regaining his composure.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?"

"What did you do with Sasuke-kun?" The snake man tilted his head to the side, confused.

"He's in with Suigetsu." Kabuto grumbled, rolling over.

"I want him out of there! My container will not catch pneumonia from your carelessness!" Orochimaru snarled.

"THEN GET HIM THE HELL OUT YOURSELF!" Kabuto snarled back. Orochimaru was quite taken aback at Kabuto's outburst. "AND ANOTHER THING-" It was then the pills kicked in and Kabuto fell back, unconscious. Orochimaru stared a moment before turning and deciding it was best not to say anything.

José hopped along the hall. He had seen the crazy man-bitch drag Señor Sasuke down this way. "I'm coming Señor! On a stick!" He yelled. The Cock-a-roach had just stared at him, then scuttled away.

José finally made it into the room where a large tank of water sat. the water then condensed into the form of a shark boy. "What you in for?" He asked Sasuke dully.

"A Talking Puerto Rican Jalapeño. On A stick." Sasuke answered.

"Señor! I have come to help you get away from the psycho man-bitch." José panted.

"That the Jalapeño?" Suigetsu asked.

"Unfortunately." Sasuke replied. "Can you get us out of here?"

" Not without difficulty Señor Sasuke."

"I…could help?" A clicking noise issued from around the corner.

"OH MY GOD! THAT'S A HUGE COCKROACH!" Suigetsu screamed.

The cock-a-roach hung its head, while on the stick. "I…was just…trying to help…I just wanted…to be...amigos." It said tearfully in a Spanish accent.

"Now look, you've hurt its feelings!" Suigetsu scolded as he slapped Sasuke upside the head.

"Me? You were the one…nevermind." He growled. He couldn't believe now he was relying on a damn Jalapeño to get him out of this mess. On a Stick.

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Reviews? Once again, sorry for taking a bit. It was a bit harder to write this I think. I'm getting to the point where I have to now figure out how to get Jeff to find out where the hell José and Achmed are. Suggestions? You guys are the ones reading the story, I think you deserve SOME say in this. Next time: What exactly does Deidara plan on doing to Achmed and what does Itachi have to do with it? Will Gaara ever get his cookies? Will Victor have to go to therapy for ten year to recover? Find out next time in Pisses Me Off.


	11. Well Damn we're getting somewhere

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company Or Charlie the Unicorn. You will see why in a minute.

A bit of warning, next chapter will be delayed for a while. Weddings, Graduations and Birthdays oh my.

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**Attempting to take love advice from a puppet**

Naruto walked through the streets of Konoha. He was on a mission of his own. Operation Stop weird girl from fainting. "KIBA!" Naruto yelled as he spotted an Inuzuka coat and dog. A woman turned around. "Oh, hehe, sorry ma'am." Naruto said sheepishly.

"If you're looking for my son, he's at the vets. Both him and Akamaru are getting a flea bath." The woman snapped and she continued walking.

Naruto then realized the dog was really some sort of wolf and didn't look a thing like Akamaru. "Watch yourself kid." It growled at him. Naruto shuddered and quickly headed over to the Konoha Veterinarian Clinic.

"Hana!"

Naruto cheered as he saw Kiba's older sister come out from the back.

"Hello Naruto." She groaned. Just what she needed, a hyperactive ninja setting off all the animals.

"Where's Kiba?"

"Getting dried off. Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"Can you ask him if he knows where Hinata might be?"

Hana raised an eyebrow. The knucklehead wanted to find Hinata? Bad idea. "I'll ask."

Hana walked in the back to see her little brother wrinkling his nose at the towel in his hand. "Naruto's here. He wants to know if you know where Hinata is."

"How should I know?" He snapped. "It's not my day to watch her." He finished sarcastically. Hana rolled her eyes as she walked back out.

"Sorry Naruto. He doesn't know." Naruto hung his head.

"Thanks anyways." He eyed the barrel of dog treats. "Ooh, cookies!" He snatched one and took off.

"NARUTO! THAT'S NOT A…cookie." She sighed as the door slammed.

Naruto tried everywhere. Finally, he had no choice. He really didn't want to go to the Hyuuga complex. Neji might be there. He really didn't like Neji.

He finally got up the guts to go and knock on the door. "May I help you?" A maid answered the door.

"Is Hinata-chan home?"

The maid narrowed her eyes. The demon boy was most likely not welcome here.

"No." She slammed the door in his face.

"Bitch." Naruto mumbled as he walked away.

**Insanity. On a Stick. Part 2**

Sasuke and Suigetsu listened to the cock-a-roach's plan. They sounded reasonable. José on the other hand, didn't really like the sounds of them.

"Señor Cock-a-roach, that would not be possible with our situations. On sticks."

The Cock-a-roach looked thoughtful. "That is true, Señor José." It admitted.

"My suggestion is…"

José whispered the plan to the cock-a-roach. On a stick.

"Oh Si. Si. That sounds good." Sasuke and Suigetsu looked at each other as the two puppets on sticks began laughing evilly.

After a good, long length of unconsciousness, Kabuto finally began waking up. His head was pounding. "Ugh." He then remembered what he said to Lord Orochimaru. His ass was as good as dead. He started to sit up and reached for his glasses, Kabuto figured he'd need at least two more nights of uninterrupted sleep to fully recover. As he put them on, he yelled in shock. There sat on his bed a green Jalapeño and a large cockroach. On sticks.

"El hombre con el sombrero nos ha enviado!" The cockroach squealed. "Él nos contó muchas historias increíbles!"

Kabuto blinked, rubbed his eyes and shook his head. Still there.

"Esta noche cenar a las tortugas!" The Jalapeño started. "Así que bueno, se!"

Kabuto began shaking.

"Me siento feliz!" They both said together.

Kabuto screamed. "Orochimaru-Sama!!" Kabuto took off down the hallway in his boxers.

"Too much?" The Cock-a-Roach asked.

"No. The little bastard deserved it. He called me Mexican, you know." The cock-a-roach grabbed the key Kabuto had left behind in his attempt to escape the spanish speaking puppets. On sticks. "Vamos."

**Sasori's Lament**

Sasori sighed as he looked at the 3rd. He had installed all the parts he had laying around. He wasn't even sure if there was any more room left in the puppet to install anything else. He vaguely considered going into the lower ranks of the Akatsuki and make some more puppets, but figured Pein wouldn't like it if he killed anymore recruits. Wait. He looked around for his other tool box. Why couldn't he find it? Achmed. He thought immeaditly. He thought the puppet was antsy to get out of Sasori's room. Sasori growled and threw on his cloak as he went to stalk the halls for Achmed.

Along the way, he ran into Fi shivering outside of Deidara's room. "Have you seen a talking skeleton anywhere?"

"H-hai, Sasori-sama." Fi replied. "Deidara-sama was dragging him in the direction of Itachi-sama's quarters."

"Thank you." He slipped her a piece of hard candy. "Don't mention that." He stalked off in the direction leaving the maid behind in confusion.

Deidara banged on Itachi's door. Inside. Itachi growled. Who the hell was it now? If it was Madara…He opened the door to only have something thrown at him immeaditly and was disoriented as he tried to pull it off. The thing was yelling things in Arabic and trying to claw his eyes out.

Itachi threw it down. "Who are you?" He seethed.

"Greetings Infidel. I am Achmed, A new recruit in your terrifying ranks of…terror." Achmed laughed a terrifying laugh. "And may I ask your name madame of terror?"

Achmed was answered by his world suddenly turning black and red.

"Well Allah dammit."

**Suggestions from a crackhead.**

Jeff sat with his four puppets, Victor, Tsunade and the village council. They were currently trying to figure out how exactly to locate the two missing puppets. No one could come up with anything. "We just have to keep an eye and ear out for any unusual reports." Tsunade concluded.

"Wellllll." Peanut started.

"What?" All eyes turned on him.

"I have a very deep telepathic connection with The Jalapeño."

"No you don't." Jeff answered.

"Damn. But anyways, it seems as if we are stuck in places we wouldn't want to be." Peanut continued. Jeff was struck at how logical the woozle was being. "José hates anything big and weird. Like the Cock-a-roach. On a steeck." He imitated José's accent.

"Peanut…I didn't think you could be that intelligent." Jeff marveled.

Walter snorted. "Hey! Don't you insult me you old fart!" Peanut snapped. "You're just jealous cuz Jefafa likes me more!" Peanut stuck his tongue out at Walter. "Ooh, look, shiny thing." Peanut noticed Bubba's beer can which was acquired out of nowhere.

"Crackhead." Walter muttered.

"Peanut does have a point, Tsunade-sama." Jeff started. "I landed on a flower shop when I'm allergic, Walter got stuck with an idiot, and Peanut got stuck somewhere boring. I don't know about these three."

He glanced at Victor, Melvin and Bubba. "I don't want to be here period." Victor muttered.

"There's only one place I can think of that matches the description given by your puppet, Jeff-san." Tsunade began.

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I know it was short, but the next one will be longer, I promise! And yes, I did take the Spanish dialogue from the new Charlie the Unicorn video. Hehe…

Walter- Stealing Bitch…

Me- Hey! I wrote it in the disclaimer! Now give the nice readers the message.

Walter- You're still a stealing bitch.

Me- Walter, have you met Team Gai?

Walter- You wouldn't.

Me- I would.

Walter- -grumble- Review Dammit. There. Happy?


	12. Chapter Eleven: Spiderman?

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

Hey. Sorry about not updating for forever and a day. The birthdays were wonderful, graduations stressful and wedding weird. O.o; So enjoy this chapter!! Whee!

EDIT: YAY!! Over 4000 hits!

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**Spiderman?**

**THREE DAYS PREVIOUSLY IN SUNA:**

Gaara twitched. His 'Somebody's giving Naruto a hard time because he's possessed' senses were tingling. He usually ignored them. But this time, it was a bit harder. Gaara vaguely wondered if any others possessed by the Bijuu had to put up with this. Kankuro was recovering in a bed at his girlfriend's house, which Gaara was currently standing next to. This did not make the puppeteer comfortable.

"Um, Gaara?"

"I'm going on a vacation." Gaara said abruptly.

"What?"

"To Konoha."

"Your Naruto senses are tingling again, aren't they?"

"That is none of your business."

"You know Naruto was here a few weeks ago when the council was talking about you."

"They were talking about me?"

"The point is, Naruto has Gaara senses."

"Interesting…I'm still going to Konoha."

**Try again, try again.**

Naruto knew Hinata was home. Where else would she be? 'A mission.' The voice in his head said irritably. Naruto ignored it as usual. So he decided to do one of the more stupid things he's done. Break into the Hyuuga Complex. Naruto staked out the home for more than two hours studying everything. When he was certain that he was in the clear, he scaled the wall in the back garden. "Hehehe…That was easy, -tebayo." He snickered as he dropped to the ground. Almost too easy. He felt a thwack as the ground came rushing up to meet him.

He awoke with an angry looking Hyuuga Neji standing over him. "Naruto…What are you doing in here?" He snarled.

"Uh…hehehe…looking for Hinata-chan. Is she home?"

"What's wrong with the front door that you couldn't use it?" Neji continued in the dangerous tone.

"Some bitch slammed the door in my face."

"That bitch happens to be my mother!" Naruto then knew what it felt like to be thrown over a 10 ft wall and have a tree break his fall.

"Idiot." Naruto looked up into a pair of blue green eyes.

**Yes, I am That Evil thank you.**

Deidara walked away to the joyous sounds of Achmed's screams. Now back to getting his pants fixed. He wandered back to Fi, standing transfixed on the screams while eating a lemon drop. "Deidara-sama, what did you do?" She asked nervously.

"It's nothing. Now please, come in and take a look at these. Mind your step." Deidara took her hand and led her through the traps in the room. Fi turned a bright red.

"Um…"

"Here." He threw the pants to her.

"Oh my." She held up the offending pants with a magnificent rip from waistband to zipper and edges fraying. "These…will be a…challenge."

Sasori stalked back to Deidara's room.

"I really don't think that will work Deidara-sama. It's too big."

"C'mon. It has to work. I need it!"

"But the fact is, is that if it does work, it's going to be too small for you to fit in."

"Yes I will."

"It won't be comfortable."

"I don't care."

Sasori froze, hand on the doorknob. Did he really want to go in? He closed his eyes, gritted his teeth yanked open the door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR MA-" He opened his eyes to see Deidara standing over Fi, who was sitting on his bed with a pair of badly ripped pants. They both stared at the puppet master.

"Um…" Awkward.

"She's about to try and fix my pants. What exactly did you think we were doing Sasori-no-Danna?" Deidara asked mischievously. It wasn't everyday Sasori made a complete ass of himself. He was going to take advantage of this.

"You…Her…I…Nevermind." Sasori turned and walked away quickly. Deidara smirked.

"Oh…" Fi covered her mouth and turned a deep red.

"Now...how about fixing those, hmm?"

Itachi sighed and cracked his back when he was through. Achmed the terrorist was curled up in a corner whimpering. "Stupid skeleton." Itachi picked him up walked to Hidan's room. He had a feeling it was the Jashin-worshipping freak. He pounded on the door.

"WHAT?!" Hidan flung open the door and was disoriented as something was thrown at him, screaming in Arabic and trying to gouge his eyes out.

**Operation Rescue the Jalapeño. On a stick.**

Jeff once more raced out of Konoha gates with a team of ninja. 'Hold on José. I'm coming.' Jeff thought. José was one of the more easily scared puppets. Wait, when did he start thinking of them as actual People? Jeff shook his head. They were valuable and non replaceable. He replaced the thought in his head with that.

José sneezed. The Cock-a-roach was letting Sasuke and Suigetsu out. "Thanks." Suigetsu muttered as the glass door swung open. "Now, all we have to worry about Is-"

"But Orochimaru-sama! You have to believe me. I saw them! They were speaking Spanish!" The panicked voice of Kabuto came floating down the hall.

"Damn." The Cock-a-roach began scuttling off. "Follow me, amigos!"

The group followed as Orochimaru and Kabuto walked in. "Where are they?" Orochimaru hissed softly. Kabuto looked around. The door to Suigetsu's tank was open. Not good.

"They were here when I left!"

"Well, FIND THEM!" The snake man snarled.

**MEANWHILE BACK IN KONOHA**

Walter sat and grumbled to himself while watching the three idiots. They were really starting to piss him off. He was going with Dumbass Sr. on the next outing. He couldn't put up with these idiots much longer. Bubba and Peanut were fighting over the beer car. Bubba because well, it was beer, and Peanut because it was shiny. Melvin was constantly alternating between trying to reassure the boy and trying to break up Peanut and Bubba. It wasn't working too well. "SHUT UP!" Walter finally yelled. The two stopped fighting immediately. No one wanted to get on Walter too mad. He might decide to let one loose to kill everyone. These idiots made Dumbass jr. look intelligent. Walter thought to himself. He vaguely wondered how the kid was doing in finding the fainting girl. Oh well, out of his remaining hair now. Walter thought of something and began chuckling; earning him confused stares from his fellow puppets.

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What is going to Happen to Achmed and José with the Cock-a-roach? On a Stick? What the hell was Walter giggling about? Review and find out next time in Pisses me off.


	13. Chapter twelve: screw this

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

In response to copper alchemist: Sweet Daddy Dee is on the way. Be patient. It's hard to keep all of them going at once.

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**Victor, meet Sakura.**

Haruno Sakura was finishing up her rounds. The hospital was unusually busy that day. She walked out and headed towards Tsunade's office. She needed to clean out her desk in search of the Sake bottles again. As she approached, she heard commotion and then a yell from inside. She hesitated. It was not Tsunade. She opened the door to find what appeared to be ventriloquist puppets and something akin to a monkey arguing and a teenage boy around her age shaking in a corner.

"Are you alright?" She asked. He yelped and held his arms in front of him. "Relax, I'm here to help."

"I'M NOT CRAZY!"

"Alright then, let's get you out of here…" Sakura pulled him up and dragged him out. "What are those things?" Sakura asked.

"Puppets. That came alive." The boy whimpered.

'Ok then.' Sakura thought. "I'm Haruno Sakura. What's your name?"

"Victor."

"Ok Victor-san, Let's take you to Tsunade-sama."

"But I've already seen her." Sakura stopped.

"We're waiting for Mr. Dunham to get back."

"That changes things a bit." At that moment, Victor's stomach let out a terrific growl. "Hungry?"

"A bit."

"Do you like Barbeque?"

"Yeah."

"Then come on." Sakura proceeded to drag Victor away to the Korean BBQ.

**Reunion. Sort of.**

"Gaara!" Naruto jumped up and attempted to glomp the sand ninja but was met with a wall of sand. "Hehehe…"

"Naruto what are you doing?"

"Well, hehe, it's a bit of a funny story actually. You see, last week there was the puppet on my doorstep named Walter and he's a real asshole. Then Fuzzy-brow and Gai-sensei came along and totally got told, right? Then Hinata-chan came along and fainted so I took her to the hospital. But then she walked out and Walter says she faints because she likes me so now I'm trying to find her and it's not working so well." He finished.

Gaara stared at him blankly. "You do realize that I didn't follow a single word of that?"

"Uh…I'm trying to find Hinata-chan?"

"Better." Gaara moved from leaning against the tree.

"You don't look too good. Worse than usual." Gaara gave him a withering look.

"Whaaattt?" Naruto whined.

"A purple thing was loose in Suna. It stressed everyone out."

"Hey, hey, How about I take a break from trying to get in to see Hinata-chan and I treat you to ramen?" Naruto grinned his stupid grin.

"Hn." They both started walking.

Hinata slowly emerged from behind another tree, bright red. She watched as Naruto and Gaara walked away, Naruto chattering happily and Gaara looking faintly amused. Gaara glanced back at her and was about to alert Naruto when she shook her head violently, turning an even deeper shade. He shrugged and continued listening to Naruto.

**Teenager girls and their silly notions.**

Jeff and the team of ANBU stopped outside of what looked like a root cellar. "This is Orochimaru's hideout." One spoke. They all began taking out various weapons.

"Uh, what's going on?"

"Orochimaru is a S-Ranked criminal Dunham-san." Another explained. "We could easily be killed."

"THEN WHY AM I HERE?" Jeff exclaimed.

"Quiet! Someone will hear us!"

"Too late." A voice from above called. A teenage girl with red hair dropped down from a tree. "Leaf Village ANBU eh? You're here to take away my Sasuke-kun, aren't you?!" She yelled. The reason why Karin was not in Jugo's holding cell was Orochimaru had convinced Kabuto to tell him where he had put her. Apparently he thought she would be useful in the future.

"Er…Not really. We're after a Jalapeño. On a Stick." Jeff said. "And possibly a cockroach. Also on a stick."

"So you've come to take those away? Not my Sasuke-kun?"

"Yeah. Basically." Karin thought about that for a minute. Sasuke-kun didn't like the Jalapeño. If she got rid of it, maybe Sasuke-kun would finally give in!

"Follow me!"

José paused. "Did you hear that my buggy amigo?"

"No. What you hear?"

"It sounded like Señor Jeff, crying like a senorita."

The cockroach's antennae twitched. "Indeed it does."

"Who?" Sasuke and Suigetsu asked together.

"One of our amigos." The cockroach shrugged. "He's come to get us out of here."

"So you guys are leaving?" Suigetsu asked.

José did his best at shrugging. "Maybe. The idiot will probably get killed before we can go."

**Neeerom!**

Peanut sat sulking, the beer can being taken away by Walter. He ignored Bubba J and Melvin arguing, Walter scowling at them all and decided to have a look around. He first went over to the desk. "Geeze, what a slob!" He muttered. He poked around. Then he felt something that moved. He pushed it up and a white bottle dropped into his hand. He smelled it. It smelled ok. It had liquid in it. He took a swig. "This stuff is g-g-g-good!" He down the entire bottle. Ten minutes later he started giggling.

"What are you laughing at you crackhead?" Walter snapped.

"This stuff is good." Peanut giggled and tried to walk over to Walter, but stumbled in the process.

"You're drunk. A drunk crackhead." Melvin and Bubba stopped arguing to watch the intoxicated woozle start hiccupping and stagger around.

"You should try some." He slurred. It was then he passed out.

"Musta been too strong fer im." Bubba shrugged.

"Good deduction Beer lad."

"Will yew quit callin me that?"

**Jashin hates talking skeletons.**

Hidan finally pulled Achmed off his head. "YOU AGAIN!"

"You know, you never answer me when I ask you whether or not you get virgins."

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING –censor- ABOUT VIRGINS!"

"You're gay, aren't you?"

"THAT IS NONE OF YOUR –censor- BUSINESS!"

"I get 72. You're just jealous." Achmed cackled. Hidan didn't respond, but merely began praying to Jashin as to what to do to the bomber.

"Sit. Don't move." Hidan threw Achmed down as he began to pray. After half an hour, Achmed started getting bored. There was only one response in Hidan's brain. "Kill the bastard. You will receive 73 virgins." Hidan looked up to see Achmed had fallen asleep. He picked up the skeleton and threw him down and started the ritual.

"Well shit." Achmed muttered.

"I told you it would be too small." Fi said as Deidara struggled to fasten his pants button. He tried everything that a woman would do when trying to fit into her 'skinny' pants. Not fitting. "I could get you a new pair?" Fi suggested. He growled. "I've got to go do laundry." She excused herself and quickly got up before Deidara got too angry at his pants not fitting.

"Isn't there anything you can do with these?" He growled, giving up laying on the bed.

"I've done everything I can." She said fearfully.

"Fine! Dismissed." He snapped. Fi quickly left the room and ran down the hall. Surely the clothes would be done soaking by now.

Tobi passed her in the hall. She looked quite rattled. "Sempai, it's not good form to scare the maids." Tobi poked his head into Deidara's room to get a large clay object pitched at him. "So violent." The second one collided with his head and nearly took off his mask. "YOU FOOL!" Tobi shrieked in a voice that was definitely not Tobi's and ran off covering his face.

"What the hell?" Deidara wondered aloud at Tobi's reaction.

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Alright, Review, please? I like getting feedback from you guys. It lets me know if the chapter was a hit or miss. Next chapter: José get rescued (finally). Sakura's list of admirers grows and Ino pig shows up, will Achmed live to be saved by Jeff? Will Peanut ever be sober in this fic? Will Naruto finally find Hinata? Find out next time in Pisses Me Off.


	14. Chapter thirteen: Merh

Plot outline: Crossover fic

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and company

So, it didn't quite make the end of the week cut. Oops. Yeah, don't expect too much from this chapter. Writers block doesn't make things too good over long periods of time.

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**BBQ!**

Sakura dragged Victor into the BBQ and forced him down at a table. Before long, the plate of meat came out and Sakura began laying it out on the grill.

"So, Victor, Where are you from?" She asked casually.

"Missouri."

Sakura nodded, not knowing where the hell Missouri was. It sure wasn't in the fire country.

"Oh Sakuraaaa!" A high-pitched voice sang out from the doorway.

"Great, Ino-pig." Sakura grumbled. The blonde girl pranced over and slid next to Victor.

"Who's your friend?" She put a tone and wink in when she said friend. Sakura turned pink.

"He's one of Tsunade-sama's guests here. Don't scare him off Ino." Sakura warned as she kicked Ino under the table. "So, where's Shikamaru and Chouji?"

"They're lagging behind with Asuma-sensei." Ino sighed as she took the piece Sakura was reaching for.

"Um…" Victor felt awkward sitting with two pretty girls. Girls never paid much attention to him, always to Eddy, his best friend.

"So, what's your name?" Ino jabbed him with her elbow.

"Victor."

"That's a weird name."

"Ino!"

**Not too proud to beg.**

Jeff and company, guided by Karin, finally came across the four, hidden in a cabinet.

"How did you even fit in there?" Karin asked.

"I…don't know." Suigetsu said slowly, confusion evident in his expression.

"We're here for them." Jeff pointed at his two puppets.

"Oh, you're alive." José said, a bit surprised. "Vamos." He turned to the cockroach. The two proceeded to hop out. The other two boys clambered out of the cabinet as they started walking away.

Sasuke got a hold of Jeff while the ANBU and Karin walked out. "Take. Me. With. You." He spoke in an almost terrified tone. "That girl, she's a psychotic stalking bitch. Get me out of here."

"Me Too!" Suigetsu interjected, feeling left out.

"How am I supposed to sneak you two out?" Jeff hissed.

"Got a water bottle?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm taken care of." Suigetsu shrugged.

"What about you?" Jeff turned to Sasuke, a bit confused by the shark boy.

"I'll claim to be escorting you out, and turn into a clone of an ANBU."

Jeff shrugged.

"Dunham-san?" One of the ANBU called. Suigetsu immediately seized the water bottle, emptied it and went in his water state and shot into the bottle. Jeff stared, utterly shocked before recovering and putting the lid back on.

"Coming."

**Thank you Explosions.**

Tobi sat rocking back and forth. Stupid Deidara! The blonde idiot nearly revealed his true identity! Maybe he needed a new strap for the mask. Yes, yes. That was it. A new strap. Then he would beat the living shit out of Deidara with the old one in the form of Sasori. Yes, yes.

Three hours later, Achmed still lay within the ritual circle. "Are you done yet?" He asked impatiently.

"Shut up! Why won't you die?!" Hidan screamed. Nothing was working on the skeleton. Instead, he went back into his meditative state and inquired Jashin why the damn thing wouldn't die.

"It's already dead, dumbass." Jashin answered him. "I was testing you to see how long it would take for you to notice, my devoted follower. Hidan twitched. His God had just called him a dumbass?

"Apparently, you can't die." Hidan said through gritted teeth. "SO OUT!" With that he picked up the skeleton and threw him as hard as he could down the hallway.

'Thank you explosion." Achmed giggled as he flew through the air. "Oh sh-" he didn't get to finish as he slammed into the stone wall.

**Ramen is good.**

Gaara sat and ate his ramen in the complete opposite way of Naruto, who was currently slurping and wolfing it down. "It is possible she's avoiding you, Naruto."

"What you talking about Gaara? Why would she avoid me?" Naruto put down the ramen.

"Maybe it has to do with the fact she's probably embarrassed that now you know her secret." Ayame spoke from the sink. "She's liked you for a very long time Naruto-kun."

"If you see her, don't mess it up." Gaara put his fist against Naruto's head. "You idiot." Naruto grinned.

**More Sake induced adventures**

It was then Peanut passed out. Bubba took it upon himself to pick up the bottle and take an experimental swig. "This is alright." He informed the other two. He downed half the bottle before passing it over to Melvin who finished it off.

Within minutes, Tsunade's office was a mess. Walter watched in amusement at the drunken antics of the two. It was quite funny to him to see the two idiots staggering around. That is, until they spotted him.

"Walllllt! Melvin cried as he stumbled over and hugged him. "Ss been too long…"

"Gerroff me!"

"No."

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Well, reviews?


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Sneaky Peoples

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

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**BACK IN SUNA**

Kankuro hobbled into Gaara's office. He winced at the imminent pile of paper work. The place had otherwise been restored to pristine condition. The cookie jar had been refilled, the plants' pots replaced, and Gaara's prized leather chair fixed. He decided to make sure it wasn't still broken and gingerly lowered himself into it. Nothing cracked. That was good. Gaara would have been murderous.

Kankuro sighed. His girlfriend's aunt had kicked him out the minute he could walk properly and his place was on the other side of the building. His eyes rested on a scroll that had appeared over the few days of Gaara's absence. He carefully unrolled it. It was a report of a skeleton now traveling with the group known as Akatsuki. Kankuro saw little importance of this and dismissed it as someone mistaking a malnourished anorexic as a skeleton. With that, he shoved it to the bottom of the pile.

**He's Not my boyfriend!**

As Sakura and Ino argued incomprehensively, Victor sat watching the two uncomfortably. Girls made him nervous. Especially pretty girls and now there were two of them sitting next to next arguing. The bell on the door of the BBQ tinkled.

"Hey Ino. Sakura, who's your boyfriend?" Chouji asked in a friendly manner.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Sakura snapped as the argument was interrupted. "And His name is Victor."

"Oh, sorry. Hi." Chouji sat down and the waitress brought out several more plates of food. The door rattled again and Nara Shikamaru and Sarutobi Asuma walked in.

"What, no room for us? Tch." The lazy genius complained. "You guys just think of ways to make my day troublesome, don't you?" He continued as he made room next to Victor.

The poor waitress looked frazzled. "Will there be anymore joining you?" She asked.

"Not that we know of." Asuma answered her. As he spoke, the bells tinkled and Sai stuck his head around the corner.

"I thought I saw the Lazy Ass come in here." He grinned his fake grin. "Is there room for me?"

The moved over a bit more with Sai still grinning. "So, who's your boyfriend Ugly?"

The rest of the patrons jumped as there was a crashing as Sakura threw Sai out the window. "Sakura-Chan, don't you have enough damages on your tab already?" Chouji reprimanded through a mouthful of food. Victor sat there, too scared to move. "You going to eat that?" Chouji asked him.

**One of these things is not like the others**

Jeff walked and tried to ignore his water bottle. The water-boy occasionally grumbled as he swished around. The kid with the hair that looked like a chicken butt had indeed turned into a clone of one of the ANBU. They hadn't noticed yet.

Sasuke couldn't quite believe the stupidity of the Konoha ANBU. He had carefully masked his chakra so that Karin wouldn't find him. Crazy Bitch. Sakura was never that crazy. She had had her moments, but nothing like Karin and definitely not as creepy as Hinata's crush and stalking of Naruto. He vaguely wondered if they had gotten together yet. Hopefully Sakura hadn't given in to the Gai-sensei clone for a date.

About six miles back, an ANBU re-emerged from behind a bush. "Um, guys? Where are you? Guys?" He looked around. "I know I take awhile, but c'mon!" He threw his hands up in frustration as he hurried on.

**Out Cold**

The two drunken puppets had finally passed out. Walter grumbled and kicked both of them in spite of it. He wished the Dumbass would hurry up. He was bored. He wondered if the blonde dumbass had taken his advice yet. Not his problem if he didn't.

His wife was probably going nuts by now wondering where he was. Damn Bitch. Couldn't let him be for thirty seconds. Why wouldn't she just die? The door opened and Shizune entered. "When's Dumbass going to be back?" Walter grumbled.

"It could be awhile." Shizune answered. "What happened?"

"They found booze." Walter snorted. "Damn entertaining."

_'I knew I missed a bottle.'_ Shizune thought to herself as she began searching the desk. Ten minutes later, she had an armful of Sake. Tsunade walked in, took one look and turned right back around.

"Tsunade-Sama!" Shizune ran after her while trying not to spill alchol everywhere as Walter cackled.

**Want a lil cheese with that Whine?**

Deidara shook himself off. Why did Sasori-no-danna just beat him up with a strap? He was bleeding from several cuts and was feeling miserable. He was having by far, the second worst day of his life. His first was when he was forced into this stupid organization. He decided to check on his clothes and have a bitch and moan session.

"Fi," He whined. "You done yet, un?" He trudged in, collapsed in a chair at the card table set up in the laundry room and stared pathetically at the timid maid.

"Almost, Deidara-sama." Fi was hanging up the cloak to dry.

"I'm having the worst day." He continued to whine as he took a clean towel and proceeded to wipe the blood off his arms with it.

"That's Itachi-sama's…" Fi tried to stop him but gave up.

"Got any bandages?" Deidara asked.

"Not in here I don't." Deidara stared at her even more pathetically than before. Fi groaned. "I'll go get some." She sighed in defeat. Ten minutes later, Deidara's clothes were drying and Fi sat grudgingly bandaging up Deidara.

"He just attacked me out of nowhere. I didn't even do anything this time!" Deidara complained angrily.

"That doesn't sound like something Sasori-sama would do."

"Yeah he would, un." Deidara argued.

"At least no one's attempted to sacrifice you." A grumble come from the door way. "Truce Infidel?" Achmed hopped up on the other folding chair.

Deidara started laughing. "Y-you, Hidan." He started laughing again, making it difficult for Fi to continue. Achmed looked rather annoyed.

"Silence! I kill you!" He snarled. Deidara continued laughing. Achmed lunged for him but missed and hit Fi. She yelled as she fell back and nearly hit her head on the broken dryer. Deidara stopped laughing.

"Hey! What did she do to you, yeah?" Deidara picked up the skeleton and dragged him kicking and screaming obscenities in Arabic to the door before flinging him down the hallway by his feet.

"You bastard!" Achmed screamed as he flew.

**Gaara the Matchmaker.**

Hinata peered out from around the fence. Naruto was now fiddling with the lock on his apartment door.

"You're going to run into him eventually."

Hinata nearly screamed. Gaara dropped down from the tree. "Why not get it over with now?" Hinata spluttered and was about to run off before Gaara grabbed her with sand.

"Gaara? Gaara!" Naruto looked around.

"Just do it." Gaara stared at her. "Naruto. Come here."

Naruto looked around then hurried over to Gaara. "Now you two figure it out." Gaara closed both of them up in a sand ball and threw a light in before sealing it completely. He checked his watch before shrugging and wandering back to Ichiraku's for another bowl of ramen.

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Reviews? I won't be updating for a bit. Bleh.


	16. Chapter Fifteen: We're Baaaccckkkk!

Plot outline: Crossover fic. Jeff Dunham and Puppets are thrown into the Naruto-verse via magical swirly portal in a parking lot. When the puppets come to life due to the portal's magic and scattered throughout the Naruto world, Jeff has to find all of them before all hell breaks loose. But then again, with this bunch, that's not gonna happen.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own jefafa and company or naruto.

We're Not dead yet!

**Achmed's Reasonably shitty day.**

Achmed stomped down the hallway. It was bad enough that he had been thrown down the hallway no less than ten times the day before, but now he couldn't find anyone. Well, anyone except a certain maid.

"You, lowly servant of mega-bitch, I demand you tell me where everyone has gone." Achmed stared up at Fi. The maid recoiled a bit.

"I do not know Achmed-Sama." Fi resisted the urge to kick him.

"You should know. After all, are you not the blonde idiot's concubine?" Fi stared at him in utter shock. She mouthed wordlessly while Achmed wondered impatiently what was wrong. It was then Kisame chose to walk in.

"I put some money in my coat pocket. Did you find it in the laundry?" Kisame stared at the scene. "What's going on here?" Kisame's eyes narrowed. He had observed the skeleton at dinner the previous night and didn't particularly like him. It appeared to the shark man as if the skeleton was harassing the maid.

"Oh, there is someone. Goodbye blonde's concubine!" Achmed walked toward Kisame only to be grabbed by the blue man.

"What?" Kisame knew for a fact that Koko would destroy the Skeleton herself if she heard him question any of her maids' honor. In fact, a few of the members would along with some of the male servants.

"I am not!" Fi finally managed to speak, completely red in the face.

"Oh, ok." Achmed answered sarcastically.

"I assure you, our maid are off limits to members of the Akatsuki." Kisame looked him dead in the eye. "And I assure you if that you repeat what you said, you will be disassembled by Sasori." Kisame threw Achmed out of the room.

Achmed swore. He got up and wobbled off to the kitchen. When he got there, he found the Leader sipping a mug of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. "Where are all the other infidels?" He demanded.

"First, respect. Second, it's too early in the morning to be annoyed by members. Third, They are on missions." Pein twitched slightly at the Skeleton still being there.

"I want some bombs."

"You have to buy those on your own."

"Some organization you are. Al-Quaeda gave us our own bombs."

"We're not Al-Quesadilla! If you wish for funding for bombs, go ask Kakuzu."

"You fool! It is Al-Quaeda! You will show respect or may Allah send a Blue Prius to run you over you metallic bastard!" Achmed roared, pointing dramatically at Pein. Pein sighed as he rubbed his temples. This skeleton was worse of a headache than Hidan.

"Achmed, meet Kakuzu." Pein dragged the skeleton down the hallway and banged on a door on the end.

"What?!" Kakuzu flung open the door. He backed up a little when he saw it was Pein.

"Kakuzu, Achmed, Achmed, Kakuzu." Pein shoved the skeleton towards Kakuzu and stalked off. He needed more hot chocolate.

**Awkward…**

The only thing running through Hinata's mind were the words Don't Faint. Naruto put both hands on her shoulders. Don't Faint, Don't Faint!

"Hinata-chan! I've been looking everywhere for you! I even got beat up by Neji while looking for you!" Naruto gave his stupid grin which looked demonic with the greenish light from the glo-stick that Gaara had thrown in.

Hinata squeaked. Don't faint! Don't faint!

"Anyways, I hear you like me. At first I was kinda weirded out, but I thought about it and I came to a conclusion." Naruto continued.

Hinata was about to cry. This was so embarrassing. More embarrassing than fainting all the time. But here comes the rejection, She thought miserably.

"Would you like to go out for ramen with me sometime?" Naruto was still grinning his stupid grin.

"W-what? R-ramen with you?" Hinata was taken aback. She had thought for sure that he was going to tell her to stop stalking him, that he was in love with Sakura and to leave him alone. Ramen?

Naruto's grin faded. "I mean if you don't want to, that's fine." He looked down in embarrassment. Maybe the old fart had been wrong. Maybe he'd just embarrassed himself and upset her! Naruto was about to go into panic mode. Shit!

"N-no, I would l-love to!" Hinata stuttered, face bright red. Naruto smiled again and hugged her. It was then Hinata lost control and fainted again.

"Hinata-chan!"

**-sob-**

"I think I'll go now." Victor jumped up and made a break for it. He had had enough of this insanity!

"Victor-san!" Sakura called after him as he ran down the street, knocking people over in the process. He thought he had lost the pink haired girl as he ran into a fenced off area. He ran through the trees and brush, creating small tears in his clothes as he went. He paused to catch his breath and his instincts made him jerk back as a kunai flew into the tree where his hand had been. He just about pissed himself.

Victor tried to run again, but was quickly pinned to the tree by various weapons. He was about to cry. From his left emerged a girl dressed in white and red with two buns on either side of her head.

"Who are you and what is your business here?" She demanded. Victor only responded by crying.

"I don't know!"

"Tenten, what have we said about making random strangers cry?" Gai Sensei appeared behind her.

"Don't unless they're wielding vital information." Tenten replied dully.

"Good, now," Gai turned and gave his legendary 'nice guy' pose. "Who might you be young man?"

"!" Victor said in one breath between sobs.

"Portal? You mean like the one that keeps dropping girls out of it claiming to be Neji's lover, sister or cousin?" Tenten looked at Gai.

"Might be. We should take him to Tsunade-sama."

"I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO SEE HER!" Victor yelled.

"Wait, puppets you say? Didn't you say something about Naruto-kun having a ventriloquist doll that was alive?" Tenten asked.

"Ah, yes. Ahahaha…I nearly forgot!" Gai beamed at Tenten.

Victor sobbed again. He wasn't ever getting out of here.

**Silly ANBU, tricks are for kids!**

Sasuke was genuinely amazed at the sheer stupidity of the ANBU. They hadn't detected his or Suigetsu's presence yet, and it had been a day! The pepper and cockroach were talking rapidly in Spanish and Dunham was looking rather relieved and a bit disconcerted with the return of the two. Suigetsu grumbled occasionally in the water bottle, but other than that things were going smoothly. No Psycho stalkers, no insane man-bitches and most importantly, no pedophiliac snake men. All he had to look forward to was meeting back up with a certain pink haired girl and maybe even the knuckle head.

They were almost at the gate when the cockroach said something to the one man who was not a ninja. "Jeff, is Peanut also here?"

"Yes, he is actually and Walter, Bubba J and Melvin are too."

"What happened to the Pimp?" The jalapeño asked.

"You know, I have no idea. Come to think of it, I don't think I brought him with is that night."

"Señior, you say Peanut is here?" The jalapeño asked.

"Yeah. Why?" Jeff asked warily.

"That purple bastard." The jalapeño muttered.

Sasuke's curiosity kicked in. Purple? He had seen some unusual things working with Orochimaru, but this might prove to be interesting.

**Walter's fun.**

The three puppets woke up with enormous hangovers. Bubba was used to this however and grabbed another beer. "Awww, wassa matter wit chu guys? A lil hangover got chu down?" The redneck crowed. The other two threw things at him which made even more noise. Walter laughed. This was too good to pass up.

"Hey! Shut up geezer!" Peanut snapped, but immediately grabbed his head. "Pain!" He squeaked.

"You cause me pain purple one!" Melvin whined. Walter cackled again. This was fun! Bubba finished his beer and started another. Walter got up and began crushing the can. The two howled in pain.

"What's going on in here?" Shizune threw open the door, causing light to flood into the darkened room and the door made a loud band. The two puppets nearly died from the assault on their eyes and ears.

"What the Helllll?" Melvin moaned.

"IT BURNS!" Peanut howled as he dove under the table.

"Heh he! Dumbasses."

Yes yes, short like Napoleon Bonaparte. But it gets better once Jeff-fafa gets back to Konoha. And whatever happened to our ANBU who went for a whiz and didn't come back? Hmmm…. We'll find out next chapter! In the meantime, REVIEW!!!! Please? Stay tuned!

And also, keep your eyes peeled for a spin off of Pisses me Off, coming out soon! It features the most unlikely characters you would think of. Hahaha….


	17. HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham and Company. xp

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Hey guys, Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Christmas present to you is not another chapter of PMO,

Walter: Good. I'm not doing any christmas crap.

Me: STFU! But instead an Akatsuki Crackfic called "A Very Akatsuki Christmas". Tobi decides to try and get his fellow members into the Christmas Spirit, but instead creates havoc and chaos. Can he get everything cleaned up and sorted ot before the annual christmas party and all the important guests start arriving? Or will he fail and insane mistletoe will run amok? Tune in to find out in this short multi-chaptered ficlet.

Peanut: I'm scared.

Me: You should be.


	18. Chapter sixteen: awkward hormones

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham. Or guitar guy.

Hey, hey, hey I'm going to update more now that I don't have to wait for Jefafa's shows to come on since I got the DVD set for Christmas! Yay!

PS. I do not endorse or encourage the consumption of tobacco products

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Chapter Sixteen: awkward hormones

**Glorious Nicotine**

Victor was still crying like a baby when Sakura and Asuma showed up. "Gai, what did you do now" Asuma sighed as he pulled the teenaged boy down.

"It was all Tenten."

"Hey!" Tenten snapped.

"Victor-san, are you ok?"

"I wanna go home and smoke and forget about this…" He mumbled psychotically while trembling in fetal position. " I don't wanna be here in a world where I get attacked by girls with knives…"

"Asuma-sensei?" Sakura held out her hand. Asuma sighed and reluctantly handed her an unopened pack of cigarettes. She threw them at Victor who eyed them suspiciously before grabbing them and hastily ripping them open. Nicotine was nicotine. He dug around in his pocket and flicked open a lighter.

"Better?" Sakura asked, exasperated.

"Yes, thank you." Victor replied meekly as he exhaled.

"Good, now lets go back to the Barbeque and finish eating. Ok?" She said as if trying to persuade a child. This kid was obviously traumatized, well then again, meeting Might Gai for the first time had that effect on a lot of people. But he was likely traumatized well before that point and Gai-sensei didn't make things better.

"Ok."

"Sakura, are you sure you can handle him by yourself? Or should I get Shikamaru to help you?" Asuma muttered to the pink haired girl.

"I've got it under control. I hope." She muttered the last part.

**Achmed's first mission**

The skeleton sat, bound up in strings. Kakuzu stared at him.

" I said, I want bombs." Achmed restated.

Kakuzu laughed. Achmed got annoyed.

"SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!"

"I think not. Same for the bombs."

"What?"

"No."

"C'mon, I have no money infidel."

"Then go on missions and get money." Kakuzu was getting annoyed. "You, go fetch me a subordinate from the lower ranks and bring them to me. I will give you some money then." Kakuzu needed a new heart anyways.

"Where?"

"I don't know go, use your brains if you still have any." With that Kakuzu picked Achmed up and dropped him on the other side of the door.

Achmed stared at the door, "At least he didn't throw me."

**Peanut's BMJ reunion**

"JOSE!" Peanut squealed when Jeff and José entered the room.

"Oh god." The jalapeño tried frantically to hop away but was instead embraced a little too tightly from the woozle.

"The Mexican is back, eh. And lookie here, so are you Dumbass." Walter grunted.

"Nice to see you too Walter." Jeff mumbled.

"Hey, hey, what bout me, huh? Dun say nuthin ter the one drinkin the beers!" Bubba started rambling in a drunken fashion.

"Oh my stars, is that a cockroach?" Melvin asked, hiding behind Walter.

"On a Stick." José confirmed. "Let go of me." He added to Peanut.

"Oh, why?" Peanut squealed. "We're having so much fun Josey!"

"That's what your mother said and I hope you die."

"Hola." The Cock-a-roach waved.

"Where's Achmed?" Melvin asked Jeff.

"We still don't know."

"Don't worry Dunham-san." Shizune walked in. "We may have a location. We're sending a team out now."

Sasuke lurked in the corners, waiting to sneak out. He was utterly amazed that he had gotten in. Konoha really was losing it.

"ANBU, dismissed!" Tsunade ordered as she strolled in behind Shizune. Sasuke breathed in relief and took off with them. Now to find Sakura. He then took off for her house. "Dunham-san, We have provided you with somewhere to stay, with a host. Iruka will take you there."

"Where are we staying?" Walter grumbled as the young ninja escorted them.

"Well, you see, There was only one person who was willing to take you after we drew straws and nose-goes and such." Iruka admitted sheepishly.

"Thanks." Jeff muttered sarcastically.

"It's nothing against you." Iruka explained hastily. His eyes drifted to the motley crew.

"Oh, I understand."

"We're here." Iruka sighed as he knocked on the door. "Good luck." He muttered to Jeff/

"COME IN AHAHAHA!" A scarily familiar voice yelled from within.

"OH HELL NO!" Walter yelled as Might Gai threw open the door, giving his trademark 'nice-guy' smile.

**MEANWHILE AT ICHIRAKU**

Gaara sat eating the delicious bowl of ramen. He looked at the clock on the wall. He had left the two twenty minutes ago. Perhaps he should go release them from the sand ball. He finished the bowl and was about to get up when another was set in front of him.

"One the house Kazekage-sama." Teuchi grinned. They could wait.

**IN THE SANDBALL**

"Gah…Where is Gaara?" Naruto groaned as he attempted to sit down. Hinata was still unconscious so he held her as opposed to letting her lay in a heap in the bottom of the ball. She was rather cute when she was unconscious. Gah! Neji would kill him for this! He had already been thrown around enough by the Hyuuga. But then again, he also kicked his ass in the Chuunin Exams.

While he was musing, Hinata chose to wake up. It was all just a dream. A dream that involved Gaara-kun locking her and Naruto in a sand ball and Naruto asking her out.

"Welcome back." Naruto grinned. Hinata turned red red red when she realized that she was in his arms. "No, no, no! Don't faint!" Naruto panicked. Hinata did her best to not faint. So it was true. Neji would kill both of them for this.

**HALF HOUR LATER**

"Where is Gaara?" Naruto snapped. "This is taking forever!"

"M-maybe he forgot." Hinata suggested.

"GAARA!" Naruto yelled, pounding on the wall while Hinata covered her ears.

Back at the ramen stands, Gaara's 'Naruto is pissed' senses tingled. He couldn't fathom why though, after all this ramen was simply delicious. Wasn't he supposed to do something? Wait…Oh yeah. Gaara got up, paid and trudged back to Naruto's house.

"GAARA YOU BAKA! YOU'RE ALMOST AS BAD AS KIBA! NO WAIT WORSE!" Naruto started ranting angrily. Gaara stared at him blankly before turning to Hinata, completely ignoring the raging ninja before him.

"He ask you out?"

"H-hai." Hinata answered meekly while Naruto continued to yell.

"Good. I'll escort you home." Gaara turned with his hand on Hinata's shoulder and they started walking away while Naruto was totally oblivious.

"HEY! HEY! GAARA!" Naruto finally noticed and chased after them. "WAIT FOR ME!"

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They're getting shorter now….the end is soon. Oh noes! But anyways, will the Crew survive a night a Gai's? Will MJ-I mean Orochi notice his container is missing? Will Victor ever recover? Tune in next time.

ps Reviews are awesome things to recieve so you guys should, you know, totally review? Because that would be amazing. xD


	19. Chapter SeventeenL We're not dead yet!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham. Merh.

Yes, I'm back from the dead! Yay! PMO is sadly nearing the end. But enjoy this fresh new chapter while you can! I'm creating a slight spin off to provide entertainment while you wait for the new chapters and that should be up soon. I think you guys will enjoy it! Now, ONWARDS!

Chapter seventeen: we're not dead yet…

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**Where's Waldo?**

Karin skulked back into the hideout. The things on sticks were gone. But that also meant she could have Sasuke's attention now! She began searching for his chakra but to her puzzlement, she couldn't find it. He must have been masking it. She began searching the hideout, even to the point of venturing into Kabuto's room. She had paused to draw on him though.

"What are you doing?" Karin froze and turned to see Orochimaru standing over her.

"Orochimaru-sama! I, uh, well you see-" Karin stammered.

"Where is Sasuke-kun? You stalk him, you should know." He hissed, gently lifting her chin up so that they were eye level.

Karin resisted the urge to retort with a child molester response. She wasn't feeling too lucky that day. "I don't know, Orochimaru-sama." She admitted.

"Find him." He hissed before turning. He paused briefly in the doorway. "If you don't, well, let's just say Manda will have himself a snack." He chuckled darkly before continuing on his way. Karin gulped before darting off to find the raven haired emo kid.

Two hours later, she had not found Sasuke, nor seen Suigetsu. She was starting to panic. Maybe Sasuke had moved to another hideout. But then Orochimaru-sama would have gone too. Plus, it sounded like Kabuto was waking up. She heard him shuffling around, and then his murderous screech. Perhaps it was time to go check the other hideouts.

**Walter's nightmare**

Jeff was unnerved by the green clad man. He no longer donned spandex, but instead green sweats.

"Welcome to my humble home Dunham-san Ahahaha!" Gai stated proudly.

"Oh god." Walter grumbled.

"Come, there's dinner ready." Everyone looked around nervously. Jeff looked back to see that the young ninja had taken off. Great, abandoned.

Dinner was actually pretty good. Even Walter had to admit it. "It's a secret family recipe. Made with blood, sweat and tears of hard work and LABOR!" Gai crowed. Bubba promptly threw up.

"Uh, I didn't mean literally." Gai said as he eyed the pile of vomit. "BUT THIS IS MY TRAINING! CLEAN UP THE VOMIT ON MY HANDS!" He declared as he did a handstand and proceeded to walk on his hands to get a mop.

"Get us out of here!" Walter grabbed Jeff's shirt.

"This guy's more insane than you Jefafa!" Peanut glanced around. "It's scary!"

"Si Señor."

"Look guys, just be polite. We'll go to bed as early as we can and get out of here as early as possible." Jeff hissed.

"You Dumbass! We're going to have to put up with THAT all night!" Walter snapped while jerking his head towards the kitchen where Gai's grunts were heard while trying to open the broom closet with his foot.

"True."

"The hotel is looking mighty tempting right now." Melvin pitched.

"I think I'm with you there." Jeff muttered as Gai came back in with a mop and bucket full of water between his toes. "Um, Gai, We're going for a walk." They left rather quickly.

"Smooth one Jefafa." Peanut cackled.

Upon checking into the hotel room, no sooner than the group had laid down and start to drift off to sleep did the door burst open with a loud bang

"THERE YOU ARE DUNHAM-SAN! AHAHAHA! Thought you'd been kidnapped by enemy ninjas there…Ahahaha!" Might Gai boomed merrily.

"No!!!!!" Walter howled.

**Pervert!!!!**

Sakura sighed as she trudged into the apartment she rented. Victor was under surveillance at Asuma-sensei's house. He'd be safe and have as many cigarettes he damn well pleased. Oh well, the shower was calling her name. She made a beeline to the bathroom.

Sasuke had let Suigetsu out of his bottle and left him to his own devices as he scaled the side of the apartment complex. He paused and looked in a few. Some of which, he didn't want to see at all. Like the old woman. He shuddered. He'd never look at nori the same way again. He instead tried to focus on finding the pink-haired girl's apartment. He soon found the window to her bedroom with her pink robe with the kanji for Fighting Spirit emblazoned on the back hanging from a chair. He quietly opened the window, shut it and heard the shower running. Sasuke sighed and proceeded to open the door to the living room where he threw himself on the couch and turned on the television.

Sakura froze. She thought she'd heard someone walking around in her apartment. "Probably Ino." She said to herself. But then again, Ino would have announced herself loudly and probably burst in the bathroom declaring that she had picked up ice cream and a chick flick. Perhaps Temari? She'd seen Gaara wandering absently past the BBQ. Maybe they were in town. No, Temari would have pounded on the door announcing that Kankuro was being an asswipe at the hotel and that she was staying there instead of dealing with his groady self.

She quickly finished up and turned off the shower. She wrapped the towel tightly around her as she entered her bedroom. She didn't sense anyone there. The TV was on. Maybe it was Naruto. No, Naruto would have loudly announced his presence. Kakashi? Yes, it was probably Kakashi. She quickly got dressed and walked out into the living room. No one was there. If had been Kakashi, he was probably helping himself in the kitchen before giving her an assignment. She shrugged and sat down on the couch, trying to figure out what show was on. Then she felt the breath on the back of her neck.

"Now what's a pretty girl doing living by herself?"

Sakura turned faster than Sasuke could move out of the way as she yelled, grabbed his arm and flipped him over the couch, smashing him into the table, breaking it and creating a mini crater in the floor.

"Filthy Pervert! How dare you enter my home! CHA!" She charged her fist with chakra and was about to deliver a devastating punch as Sasuke yelled.

"NO! NO! Sakura! It's me!" Sasuke yelled desperately. She had seriously improved. Last time he'd seen her, she was still a weak girl.

"Sasuke?"

"Yes, it's me. Sasuke." He breathed a sigh of relief.

"LIAR! Sasuke's off with Orochimaru! Drop your jutsu now!" Sakura's arm drew back, fist lit with chakra.

"Oh shi-"

**Misunderstandings my ass**

Fi quietly crept down the hall. Most of the members were back from missions and were sleeping. She was on scrub duty that day, which meant carrying around a heavy bucket of soapy water and a heavy-duty scrub brush. She set the bucket down as quietly as she could outside of Zetsu's room. She froze suddenly as she thought she heard a noise. She turned quickly, but no one was there. She shook her head and went back to work. Outside of Zetsu's room was always the worst, he tracked in mud everywhere…She heard it again. Once more she turned around and saw the hem of a black coat whip out of sight.

'Probably Tobi-Sama.' She thought to herself as she returned to work. The next thing she knew, she felt a pain on the back of her head and her world went black.

Achmed dragged his prize down the hallway. This one surely would do. After all, Blondie should really keep a closer eye on his concubine. Achmed pounded on the door.

"Do you have one this time?" Kakuzu grumbled as he opened the door. "FOR THE LAST TIME! Servants ARE NOT lower ranking subordinates!" Kakuzu yelled at the skeleton.

"KAKUZU! What's going on here?" A gravely voice growled. The pair looked up to see Koko standing there with the thick twisted branch she used as a cane.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Kakuzu stuttered nervously.

"Oh, Hello wrinkly old bitch." He was greeted by a hard whack with the cane.

"Don't touch my maids, you filthy being!" She snarled.

"Ugh…what's going on…Koko baa-chan!" Fi groaned as she tried to sit up and clutched the back of her head.

"Don't move. We'll get you taken care of." Koko glared at Kakuzu who threw his hands up in defense. The two left.

"You now owe me three subordinates for putting three servants out of commission for the next few days." Kazuku snarled as he threw Achmed down the hall.

"May the blue pri-" He was cut off as he hit the wall and his shoulders dislocated and arms fell off. "Damn it!"

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Alright. We'll get a look at Naruto and Hinata's date next chapter. Did anyone read that recent chapter in the manga? SQUEE!

Walter: Review damn it so we can escape this creep! If I hear AHAHAHA one more time…

Me: Ok Walter, I think we get it…Review!


	20. Chapter Eighteen: WE LIVE!

Yay! We're back after months of Hiatus! Hehehe....

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or jeff dunham

HEY HEY HEY!!!! I really like Nexus of Dark World's thinking. Quick! Everyone send Jeff the link to this story on his site. Maybe we can get him to read or comment about it in his act! xD

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**Sasuke's His own Worst Enemy**

Sasuke laid on the front lawn of the apartment complex twitching. Sakura had just thrown him out the window. He was pretty sure he had a few broken bones. Damn it, where was psychotic man-bitch when you needed him? At that moment Suigetsu decided to reappear.

"You do anything?" He approached with a mouthful of dango. "Oh shit. You call her fat?"

Sasuke turned his head and gave him one of his icy glares. Suigetsu cringed and backed up. "Alright, alright. Let's get you to the hospital."

"Not hospital. Back up there." Sasuke hissed.

"Seriously? You want to go back?" Suigetsu's jaw dropped. "Come on! She just beat you up man."

"Don't. Care." Suigetsu sighed and walked over to Sasuke. He shoved the last bite in his mouth before pitching the skewer and shouldering Sasuke. "What Number?"

Ten minutes later Suigetsu was banging on Sakura's door. She opened it to see the shark boy carrying the intruder from before.

"Who are you and what do you want?" She snarled. Her eyes fixated on the sword attached to his back. Zabuza?

"Yo. I'm Suigetsu. This is Sasuke. I think you threw him out your window?" The shark-boy replied in a bored tone.

"Sakura…." Sasuke groaned. He had a feeling of high drunkenness from the pain. "I didn't mean to call you annoying. Or knock you out. Or call you forehead behind your back with Ino."

"What?!" Sakura was pissed. First this guy dares break into her apartment impersonating Sasuke and now he was trying even further to pass himself off with this other shark-boy?

"Dude, her forehead isn't that big." Suigetsu turned his head to address the Uchiha on his back. "Besides, you're the one with the broken bones, I don't think you should talk anymore."

"Kabuto would heal me." Sasuke suddenly would have preferred the nasty medical lab to this humiliation.

"Karin would rape you." Oh yeah.

"Yeah. She hasn't raped me." He stared at Sakura.

"So no going back, 'kay?" Suigetsu dropped him on the floor to which he groaned loudly and activated the Sharingan.

"Do that again and I'll kill you, loser."

"Sasuke…It really is you!" Sakura squealed. "I've missed you so much!" She tackled the injured Uchiha who yelped in pain before a satisfying, safe feeling washed over him and he relaxed and breathed in the smell of Sakura... "You bastard! You left us!" Sakura suddenly screeched before throwing him across the room.

And there it went.

**First Date.**

Naruto fidgeted as he stood outside the Hyuuga complex, nice shirt and jeans on and carrying a few flowers from the Yamanaka's flower shop. The old man had snapped at him to clean himself up so he didn't look like as big a dumbass when he rushed to tell him the news. Walter and Jeff-san had been staying with Iruka the past days as the arrangement with Gai hadn't exactly worked out well. Something about being held against their will at night in fear of enemy ninjas.

His head turned as he swore he heard a window break, a scream and loud thud from the direction of the nearest apartments. He considered going and investigating when Neji opened the door.

"Oh, you're here." Neji stated in a tone that clearly screamed disappointment. "Hinata, Naruto's here." He turned and yelled.

"Coming!" Hinata stumbled out from a side door and Naruto felt himself go red. She had chosen a sundress that suited her perfectly and a small bag slung across her chest. Neji turned to him with a look that clearly stated 'Touch her and Die.' He looked past Naruto at something in the tree to see Gaara of the Sand staring at him with a look that clearly said 'I'm supervising the dumbass.'

"Um…Um…These are for you Hinata-chan!" Naruto stuttered as he presented the flowers in a twitchy state. Neji merely glanced at Gaara with a look that said 'Good Luck.'

"O-oh. I'll go put these in water." Hinata went equally red as she took the flowers. Don't Faint. Don't Faint. She chanted her inner mantra as she went to find a vase.

"So he's going with you?" Neji asked as Hinata ran off.

"Huh? Oh, Gaara? Heh, he insisted. Said something about making sure I don't do anything stupid." Naruto grinned and scratched his neck nervously. He sighed a sigh of relief when Hinata came back.

Naruto and Hinata took off quickly.

"So where are we going?" Hinata asked.

"Um…" Naruto was about to answer Ichiraku, but Gaara had clearly said no. "Korean Barbeque?"

"Ok." Damn she was cute.

As he followed and supervised, Gaara's mind began to wander back to his office and the stack of paperwork that was most definitely waiting for him. He really should go home. He narrowed his eyes at the thought of Kankuro going through the papers and probably dismissing half of the important news. He directed his attention back to the BBQ when Hinata suddenly got up. He snuck into the restaurant.

"She went to the bathroom." Naruto explained.

"Ok. I'm going home. Kankuro's probably done something stupid by now." Gaara half mumbled.

"Oh, ok." Naruto panicked a little. What if he messed it up now?

"Don't screw up. I'll be back when I can." Gaara slipped back out of the BBQ and started back towards Suna.

Half hour later, Hinata and Naruto strolled through the dark village towards the Hokage Tower.

"Naruto-kun, what are doing?"

"You'll see." Naruto happily chattered as he quietly opened the door to the tower. They climbed the first set of stairs before Naruto opened a window and from there they climbed out on the awning . A few good leaps later, Naruto pulled Hinata onto the roof of the building. "See?" He pointed up and Hinata couldn't help but gasp at the view of the stars. "That's not all. Look!" He dragged her to the edge. "You can see all Konoha from here."

"Naruto! What are you doing?" A voice snapped from behind.

Granny baa-chan. Great.

"I'm on a date Granny baa-chan!" Naruto tried to explain while pointing to Hinata.

"Naruto! How would I ever get anything done if I let everyone bring their dates up here? Huh?!" Tsunade snapped.

"You don't get anything done anyways!"

"Naruto!" Tsunade grabbed him and he began to panic.

"Lemme go lemme go! I'm sorry Granny baa-chan!"

Hinata watched the humorous exchange with apprehension. She knew they weren't actually fighting, but she was still a bit nervous.

"Alright! Both of you! Out!" Tsunade finally yelled and escorted them both out of the building.

"Hehe, sorry about that Hinata-chan. I didn't think we'd get in trouble." Naruto shuffled his feet sheepishly.

"I-it's alright."

"Here, I'll walk you home I guess."

As they approached the house, they were laughing and joking.

"Thank you Naruto-kun. I had a great time." Hinata smiled at him as she opened the door.

"Hey! Hinata-chan? Can I take you out again sometime?" Naruto asked quickly as he went red.

"Yes!" Hinata also went red. "Well.. good night!" With that she very quickly kissed him on the cheek and rushed inside.

**Boredom.**

Peanut sat at the table playing poker against Bubba. It was easy considering he put his cards down every time he took a sip of beer. Eventually, he was tired of winning everything. He turned to Jefafa who was currently sitting with the guy with the scar across his nose trying to find out where exactly Achmed could have landed.

Walter sat watching with disinterest. Dumbasses. Whatever. He didn't give a damn, just wanted to go home. He was sick of Japan and they could leave without Achmed for all he cared. They had the damn pepper and the crack head and the dumbass duo. Melvin was passed out on the floor from getting into more alcohol and the pepper was watching Spanish soap operas with the cockroach on the guy's tv. Soon the crackhead wandered over to watch and within minutes was bawling his eyes out.

"Miguel!!!"

"Shut up ya dumbass!" Walter snarled when Dumbass and Scar guy looked up.

"Um, Dunham-san, should we go somewhere else to figure this out?" Iruka asked.

"No, here's fine. Be grateful I don't have the Chihuahua with me." Jeff replied.

"My guess would be somewhere in River Country. There have been reports of sightings of Akatsuki there."

"Akatsuki?"

"Terrorist organization that's insistent on the fact they mean to bring peace by ruling everyone."

Jeff groaned. Achmed in a terror organization. This was NOT good.

"What's the matter?"

"He was a terrorist in a past life. Suicide Bomber."

"Alright, I can see how that's bad." Iruka quickly got up and rushed to a radio. The rest looked up at him with interest.

"Tsunade-sama, we have a development. It's not good."

**MEANWHILE BACK IN MISSOURI**

"Why the hell are we stealing a damn Prius? A Blue one at that!" The first guy snarled at his partner.

"It's been here awhile. Now shut up and hand me that hanger." The second snapped back.

He worked the lock a few minutes before he heard it click open. He chuckled to himself as he began hotwiring the car. The car started and the thief unlocked the passenger door. The door was still open as he tried to shift into reverse.

"Whoa! What the hell is that you're about to back into?" The first yelled.

The second looked into the rearview to see a spinning mass behind him.

"Bail!" With that, they both rolled out of the car as it was sucked into the portal and the portal closed.

"Great, there goes that!"

**MEANWHILE IN SUNA**

Kankuro laid in bed sulking. His girlfriend was snuggled against him, the smell coming off of her dark hair driving him insane. Could he touch her? No. She was staying with him while her aunt was out of town and the exterminators were in her apartment. She had made it clear. No. She wanted to be able to tell her aunt honestly that nothing happened. Like that had stopped them before. Whatever. He started kissing her neck.

"Kankuro…" She started in a warning tone. Suddenly a noise sounded in the other room. "What was that?"

"I don't know, stay here." He got up and grabbed a kunai. No one had a key except his girlfriend, Gaara and Temari. He knew he was on more than one hitlist. Another noise this time from another room. He looked around. Nothing. Nothing in any of the rooms. He kept his senses heightened as he returned to bed.

"No one's there." He started climbing back into bed. "It was probably a mouse knocking something over."

They laid back down and they were both tense, listening for any more noise.

Finally, she began to relax. He closed his eyes and tried to. He finally did.

"You really should be more aware of your surroundings. Idiots." They both shot up to see Gaara perched on the edge of the bed with a cookie in hand. "Now, where are the reports from the past few days?"

**Return of the Prius.**

Achmed stood, cornered outside the hideout. Several angry Akatsuki members stood over him. He had not meant to injure them. Well maybe Blondie. But no one other than that!

"The blue prius will run-"

"Will you shut the –censormonkey!- up about the damn Prius! It's not coming. It's never coming." Hidan snarled as he started rolling up his sleeves. The others snarled in agreement. Achmed looked around desperately. Something. Something. Nothing. Dammit. So he did the only thing he could do.

He screamed, loud and piercing. The Akatsuki cringed and Achmed swore he heard a loud whine coming closer. They moved in for the kill. A loud revving of an engine sounded and a blue prius knocked them over and aside. It quickly swerved and spun-out before heading back. The bass was pumping and the window rolled down.

"Achmed, you ho! Get yo boney ass in the goddamn mother-censored-! car. Tch." Sweet Daddy Dee yelled over the bass. Achmed quickly ran to get in. It was then Zetsu decided to intervene by popping the tires. "Tch!WhatthehellMother-censored!-"

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Sooo…. Review! We'll find out what happens next time on Pisses me off ^_^


	21. Chapter Nineteen: Short but not crappy

Disclaimer: I do not own Jefafa and co nor do I own Naruto. Grrrr

Remember: Send link to Jefafa. Maybe he'll eventually read it...

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**Chaos Chaos Everywhere**

Victor lit the cigarette as he exhaled on the porch. With the help of half a pack of cigarettes, he had come to terms and half accepted the fact he was in the Naruto World. His little brother always watched that show. Usually in the original Japanese too, which he had a hard time keeping up with the subtitles. He now wore clothes that Asuma had lent him. It felt kinda weird and cool to be wearing ninja gear even if they were a bit big on him. Taking in everything from the smells to sights were amazing. But now, they both sat there, Asuma and Victor, smoking on the porch.

He nearly screamed when someone dropped down from the ceiling behind them. "Hello Kakashi." Asuma didn't even turn around.

"Hey. Kurenai wanted to see you about something." The masked man stated. "And Dunham wants to see you. You'll be coming with me." Asuma proceeded to dust himself off and took off while Kakashi motioned with his head for Victor to follow him.

The pair strolled down the main street. No one really paid much mind to them. They didn't say much until a commotion came from the left.

"I've got to see him! I've gotta!" A melodious voice floated over.

"Ah Shit." Kakashi muttered.

"Kakashi! Got another one." Genma radioed in.

"Who's it claiming this time?" He radioed back.

"What's going on?" Victor started getting antsy.

"Don't know yet. Shop owner called it in. Said they found her in their shed."

"Look! I don't know who you are but I do not know where Hatake Kakashi is! He's a freakin Ninja!" Came the voice of an angry shop owner.

"Found her." Kakashi sighed in defeat. "Looking for me."

"What's going on?" Victor asked again, a bit louder.

"The portal in which you came from chucks out the occasional annoyance. Usually teen girls with multi-colored eyes, bizarre powers and huge boobs."

"And that's bad?"

"Yeah. More annoying than bad considering half of them claim to be my daughter or Sasuke or Naruto's sister or lover."

"Oh." They walked over to the shop.

"Please? You must know something! My name is Ayame Maruchan Kiki Haruhatsu Momo Lee Hatake! I go by Amanda though. He's my father!"

"Look. I know Kakashi. He doesn't have a daughter. Now Git!"

"Yes he does! He had me with a captive of Orochimaru! I was experimented on, creating my looks and horrible powers. I Managed to escape by seducing Kabuto." They entered the shop to see a scantily clad teen with long silky silver hair with blonde cat-eats and a tail protruding, and purple eyes which were filled to the brim with tears. "Father!"

"Stand back." Kakashi sighed. "This is going to get nasty." With that he pulled out an exploding tag attached to a kunai. He threw it at the endowed girl as she started running towards him with outstretched arms. He threw it and she didn't dodge it in time. The kunai pierced her heart and she looked at him with a look of confusion and betrayal. She started to speak, but the tag exploded with the girl, creating a cloud of rainbows, butterflies and kittens while leaving behind a scent of flowers and cupcakes.

"Thanks." The shop owner beamed at Kakashi.

"No Problem." Kakashi beamed while Victor stared at wonder at the cloud which was now dispersing. "Come along now Victor."

Victor was still mildly disturbed when they arrived at an apartment.

"Good, you're here." A younger guy opened the door and waved them in.

"What do you have Iruka?"

"Achmed is with Akatsuki. We are almost sure of it."

"How sure is sure?" Kakashi glanced at Jeff.

"Positive." Jeff sighed.

"You smell weird. You off another one?" Iruka sniffed the air.

"Yeah."

"Who was it after?"

"Me."

"Ok." Jeff and Victor looked at each other and shrugged.

"So what are we doing with these guys?" Kakashi glanced at the now sleeping puppets. Iruka had finally had it and slipped them all sleeping drugs.

"We could ask Naruto to puppet-sit?" Iruka suggested.

"We've asked a lot of him already." Jeff replied. "Which is why I asked you here Victor. Will you take care of them while we go look for Achmed?" Jeff looked up at Victor. "I trust you."

"Um, sure."

"He doesn't have to necessarily. You could scroll them." Kakashi suggested.

"True." Iruka agreed.

"Do what now?" Jeff looked uncomfortable.

"Put them in a scroll that you take with you and we can release them when you're done."

"What if I lose the scroll?"

"That's a risk. But they're with you." Kakashi shrugged.

"Alright. Let's do it."

**Life isn't so sweeeeeet Tch.**

Achmed and Sweet Daddy Dee sat fidgeting in front of Pein. Pein twitched. Hidan now had tire marks down his back and the Prius was being inspected by Sasori. The assorted members were now being checked over for injuries.

"You. We welcomed you into this organization. You have done nothing but damages." Pein started.

"Hey now, hey now. My ho does not do damages. I am his pimp! Boy, you do any damages I have to pay for?" Sweet Daddy turned to Achmed.

"Uh maybe…" Achmed avoided his gaze.

"Goddammit ho! Tch! What this bitch do?"

"Injured many of our members, caused mental trauma to our maids and generally threatened our cover several times."

"Property damages?"

"Walls. From being thrown against them."

"Not my client's fault."

"Actually, it is."

"Look here, biyatch. This here is my ho. He can do a hell of a lot of damages to the enemy. Give him a try."

"Did you just call me…biyatch?"

"Yeah I did. Which means, you the ho now. Got that?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me bitch. I run this joint now. Hey! Hey! Hey! Put me down. AhWhatthe-censor-youdoingwhiteboy?! Tch." Sweet Daddy Dee kicked as Pein lifted him up and held him over the edge of the hideout. Pein said nothing. "Ok, ok, ok! I'm da ho! I'm da ho!"

Pein threw him back in the chair. "As this incompetent fool's 'pimp', you are going to pay for the damages." Pein held out a list and Sweet Daddy took it and quickly read it.

"5 thous- Tch! What the hell? Achmed!" Sweet Daddy Dee.

**Crash**

Sasuke laid on the couch while Sakura healed him and Suigetsu munched on a bowl of ice cream while watching some show.

"Why are you even here Sasuke?" Sakura hissed.

"Because Karin was getting too creepy and tried to rape him." Suigetsu answered from the floor.

"Shut up. And Orochimaru was getting too touchy." Sasuke snapped. He mentally added I missed you terribly, but figured not to.

"Who's Karin?" Sakura felt a surge of jealousy.

"His stalker."

"She's not talking to you. Now shut up and watch the tv." Sasuke whacked him in the head from his position on the couch.

Suigetsu turned and scowled as he scooted closer to the tv.

"My Stalker."

"I see."

"I missed you."

Sakura went pink.

"And the idiot."

She giggled. What a nice sound. Suigetsu loudly belched, ruining the moment.

"My bad! Sorry!"

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And so, we shall see the aftermath of the date next time. REVIEW!!!!!!! It lets me know I'm doing a decent job.

Walter: I Ain't Going in no Damn Scroll! Ya hear bitch!

Me: Hmmm, what?


	22. Chapter Twenty: stop hammertime

Hey guys. I'm back and so is Pisses Me Off. There's a new story I've written. A Guide of The Portal and all the annoying things it pitches out. Mainly dealing with Naruto Mary-sues. No one is safe from that bahahaha….

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Jeff Dunham and co nor do I own Naruto

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**  
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**Gaara of the Socially Awkward  
**

"So are you going to get me those files or what?" Gaara sat staring straight at Kankuro. Kankuro was still slightly freaked out as he rolled out of bed without a word and pulled on his clothes. They both left without a word, but Kankuro gave his girlfriend a look that said he would be back soon. Gaara gave him a look that said no you won't.

"What all do you need Gaara?" Kankuro grumbled. He would much rather be back in bed with his girlfriend.

"Papers. Now. And why are you upset about me being in your room? I'm in there all the time."

"Gaara. There are limits." Kankuro sighed.

"On what?" The redhead tilted his head not unlike a confused dog.

"On when you come in to people's rooms. If there's someone else in the room or in the bed with them." Kankuro mentally kicked himself for even bringing it up. Of course Gaara wouldn't understand. No one had really explained it too him. It was too awkward with his never blinking stare.

"Why?"

"Because you don't Gaara." Kankuro groaned.

"Why is that?"

"The same reason you don't interrupt people while they're talking. It's not polite and it's invading their privacy." Kankuro dug through the desk to retrieve papers as Gaara watched.

"But what if it's an emergency?"

"Then you may interrupt. But if it isn't, then don't."

"So what were you two doing before I got there?"

"None of your business Gaara."

"I am Kazekage. I think I have the right to know."

Shit.

**Hell no we won't go!**

"What exactly is this ya dumbass!" Walter snarled as Jeff instructed them to hold still.

"Indeed Jeff. What are you attempting to do?" Melvin inquired nervously.

"I'M NOT GOING JEFAFA!!!!!!!" Peanut screamed.

"Will yew calm tha hell down!" Bubba snapped at the woozle. "Now make yerself useful and go get me another beer." He grumbled.

"Hey, chill. Now." Jeff snapped.

"Si." José agreed with the cockroach simultaneously.

"Is this going to hurt?" Melvin cringed as Iruka set up the scrolls.

"It shouldn't.."

"Will we suffocate and die?" Peanut squirmed.

"No. I've been in a scroll before. It doesn't hurt and no, you don't suffocate." Iruka tried to explain calmly.

"How long will we in in there?"

"Can I bring beer?"

"I ain't going you dumbasses." Walter growled.

"Fine. You first." Iruka made a rapid succession of hand signs as Walter yelled in protest and was sucked into the scrolls with a poof sound. Kakashi smirked at the kanji "Bitchy old man."

**Akatsuki, meet your pimp**

Sweet Daddy Dee gazed around the room that was being lent to Achmed. Dungeon-like, no bathroom, no air, no heat.

"My client will not live like this! Tch." Sweet Daddy stated. "Boy how the hell have you been living in this?:"

"Well, you see, I have no need for a bathroom." Achmed shrugged.

"Bitch! You are getting a better room!"

"But I thought you were 'da ho' now?"

"Well, I'll go and talk with people. Tch." With that, Sweet Daddy Dee stormed out of the room.

He kept walking until he heard voices from a room.

"Deidara-Sama! I can't wrap this unless you hold still!"

"Well, I rolled off the top of a freaking thing that that skeleton calls a Prius! The Skeleton wasn't lying Fi-chan! It hurts like a bitch yeah."

Sweet Daddy barged in to see three young women surrounding a blonde male with mouths on his hands and stitches on his chest in a tattoo. One of the girls was attempting to bandage his arm. The mouths were snapping.

"Tch! What the hell is this freak show!" Sweet Daddy exclaimed. All four turned around.

"Who the hell are you, un?" Deidara commented. The girl took his distraction to make progress with the bandaging.

"Yo new pimp bitches! HAHA! Tch."

**Screwed over**

"Ugh…Toilet?" Suigetsu gave Sakura puppy dog eyes as his stomach gurgled. She motioned her head towards the bathroom and he bolted. They heard the door slam.

"So, I am so happy to see you again." Sasuke reached over and began playing with her pink hair.

"I am too."

"Which is why you'd never turn me in, right?" Sasuke stroked her cheek.

"Nope. I already called ANBU when you came in the first time." Sakura smiled demonically at the look on the nin's face. "They've been outside the entire time. You really think you'd get off that easily for abandoning us like that? COME IN BOYS."

Within seconds, her front room was swarmed with ANBU.

Bitch.

**Busted**

Hinata hummed merrily as she prepared snacks for her father and Neji. She had finally kissed him! Well, on the cheek, but that counted for something! Plus, he had said he wanted to go out again! Oh she was in such a good mood! Not even Hanabi in one of her foul moods could ruin it! She was walking on air practically as she set the tray down outside and scurried away.

Naruto walked into town, resisting the urge to sneak past the Hyuuga complex. Two bowls of ramen later, he gave in to temptation and ran to the complex. He shimmied up a tree in the back and saw Hinata in the Garden.

"Hinata-chan!" He hissed. Hinata's eyes grew wide as she saw the boy in the black t-shirt hanging over the wall. "Hey Hinata! Let's go somewhere!" He hissed with his wide grin. She blushed before nodding and walking over to the wall before scaling it. They both dropped on the other side and turned to come face-to-face with Hinata's father.

"Is there a particular reason you are sneaking away with my daughter?" He asked coldly with a raised eyebrow.

Dammit.

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Review! And don't forget to check out The Curious Case Files of the Mysterious Portal!


	23. Chapter TwentyOne: HEEHEE

Alas my reader, this authoress is in a semi-state of mourning for the loss of musician. I could care less about him, but the music and amazing dancing is gone…-sigh- well, life goes on, but keep your eyes peeled for some references…which will be blaringly obvious and horrible like some of his outfits. -innocent grin-

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Jeff Dunham or MJ

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**HEEHEE**

Orochimaru paced anxiously through the halls. Where was that blasted girl with his container? His precious boy…He had treated him well. Fed Him. Clothed Him. Trained Him. Why did he run away? That's it. He needed relaxation time. Now. He clapped his hands and music started.

Kabuto approached the door. He had heard the music from down the hall. It might have been a good time to tell Orochimaru that they had located Sasuke, but after hearing the strains of Orochimaru's singing, he decided to spare himself as he heard a and looked down to see a shadow glide by underneath the door. Kabuto heard a clatter as Orochimaru moon-walked into a shelf followed by swearing. He decided now would be as good a time as any.

"Orochimaru-sama, you ok?" Kabuto sighed as he opened the door and tended to his master.

"Oh really now?" Orochimaru pulled bits of glass out of his hair. The snake-man grinned as Kabuto informed of Sasuke's current location.

"Yes. If we hurry, we can take out Ibiki." Kabuto commented dryly.

"Tempting mmm-yes…" Orochimaru contemplated the merits of taking out the grisly interrogator. After all, he was no match to a pair of smooth criminals. Why not?

**Ya Schee? Nyah!**

Speaking of Sasuke, he now sat in an interrogation room waiting. He still didn't believe Sakura had turned him in. Bitch. He still loved her even more now. She was strong, independent and courageous. Plus she had just kicked his ass. What was worse he was blindfolded so he could not use the sharingan. No Jalapeño on sticks to help him out of this one. Suigetsu sat in another interrogation room in a jar. He had watched them drag him out of the bathroom which wasn't pretty.

He sensed the lights go out. Then a warm spot hit his face. Lamp.

"Jus you an me in ear, Schee?" slurred a familiar voice. The blind was ripped off and Sasuke was confronted with a drunken Lee.

"Where's Ibiki?" Sasuke asked slowly, extremely confused

"Out. I'll be doing thissch intera…interoo…interview!" Lee slurred went to lean on the table and missed, causing him to fall on the floor and fell asleep instantly, snoring loudly.

"Ok then." Sasuke muttered, still rather creeped out and slightly disturbed by being confronted with a drunk Rock Lee. He got up and went to step over him to the door which was slightly open. As he completed the task of sneaking over the unconscious ninja, he felt a hand grasp his ankle and pull his feet out from under him. He fell face first on the ground as Lee staggered up.

"Who schaid you could leave eh?" Lee grumbled. "You tink I'm that stupid? I trickeded you!" He proclaimed loudly and proudly as Sasuke watched from the ground, feeling like a turtle on it's back. "You hurt Schakura once, I will not let you do again!" He lashed out with a kick.

"Lee! You're drunk, you furry browed idiot!" Sasuke snarled.

"No I'm not! I'ma never drunk! You lie!" Lee sent another kick that Sasuke couldn't miss. Sasuke went over various plans in his head on how to escape the intoxicated martial artist. Every one of them required getting up which he was incapable of doing at the present second.

As he formulated a plan, it was quickly crushed by Lee plopping himself down on his back. Sasuke grunted at the weight.

"You know, we missed you lots. Naru, Naru, Naru…"

"Naruto?"

"Yeah him too. We all misshed you. "

"Did Sakura miss me?"

"Sakura? Oh yeah. She missed you. Went out with me though when Naru was out of da village with the pervert." He reached into the vest and pulled out a sake bottle. "Time for more pain med…Neji broke my ribs lasht week." He took a gulp and belched loudly. Sasuke grimaced. What an idiot. Bigger than Naruto at the present moment. Then Lee passed out on him. Bugger.

**Dumbass.**

Jeff and the ANBU squad departed the next morning. The trouble was, no one really knew exactly where the hideout was. Their method? Wander around and hope to be captured. Jeff personally thought it was the stupidest thing. But they were professionals. He was not so he would not question them. He shifted the heavy scroll on his back which contained his precious friends. The ret hadn't put up much of a fuss after Walter. Iruka had shown him how to get them out and he didn't really like the idea of drawing blood to get his puppets out of a scroll.

The small group diverted quickly to within the woods, leaving Jeff all alone. The plan had been to use him as bait, which was another idea he was not too fond of. Jeff suddenly stop as he look down at the ground. Tire tracks. He motioned at the surrounding ANBU quickly and they began following them. They came to a crater with four distinct places, about the size of a small car. They began following the trail the other way and came to a river.

"Well shit. Dead end." Jeff snarled.

"Not really. They are around here. Back to plan A." They quickly disappeared again.

"Hello? Achmed?" Jeff called nervously. His world suddenly went black. Dammit.

**Excuse me?**

"Pimp? What the hell?" Deidara snarled.

"Bitch, you are going to make me so much money to pay back those debts haha!" Sweet Daddy Dee strolled up and began examining him and then the women. "And you too. And you and you. Tch."

"Um, Sweet Daddy, I would not do that if I were you." Achmed stuck his head in.

"And why not? You're the one who's costing me all this so shut your damn mouth." Sweet Daddy snapped.

"Have it your way." Achmed shrugged as he walked out.

"Yeah, Now, you would go for about 50 dollas per viewing of yo freaky looks. And these lovely ladies will be perfect for assistants haha!" Sweet Daddy began talking to himself as he began poking the shell-shocked bomber and running over the maids with his greedy eyes.

"Deidara-sama, I'm scared." Fi whimpered. This seemed too much like what had happened after the bandits had dragged her and her siblings out of their hiding places during the attacks. Much too like it. The other maids were attempting to hide behind each other. They had been among the few children that lived from the attacks on the tiny farming village. They had taken the Village easily with no ninja to protect them. Then the Akatsuki had taken them off of the bandits' hands in exchange for the bandits' lives.

"Of course, I'll cut you in 20%. How's that sound eh?" Sweet Daddy Dee put on his best sales pitch face and stance.

"Hell no!" Deidara was finally able to speak. "Now get out of here yeah!"

"Oh come on! Hey! HEY! PUT ME THE HELL DOWN YA FREAK!" He yelled as the blonde picked him up. "YOU'LL BE CRAWLING BACK TO ME SOON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? HEY HEY DON'T DO THAAAAAAAAAAT!" Sweet Daddy was pitched down the hallway and hit the floor and skidded, ripping his expensive custom suit in the process.

"And stay out!" Deidara slammed the door behind him.

Achmed laughed his ass off. "Shut the hell up! Whatthe-censor-goddamnfreakdidtomyclothes! TCH!"

"I'm more aerodynamic than you are!" Achmed laughed as he walked off.

**Banned.**

I have no choice Naruto. You've broken into this complex twice, you've shamed my family publicly. Now you attempt to steal away my daughter. You are banned from the premises." Hinata's father stated coldly.

"Father, please!" Hinata cried out.

"Enough. Inside. Neji is waiting to train." He snapped. "Now, do I need to escort you?" He turned back to Naruto.

"No sir." Naruto mumbled as he turned to slink off. Great, another bond broken. He could hear Hinata start to cry as she ran back inside. Stupid demon.

An hour later he sulked in the Ramen Stand. Teuchi and Ayame gazed at him with pity. Naruto absently stirred the ramen soup, but not really eating. Finally he gave up, paid and left. As he shuffled out he heard a tiny voice.

"Naruto-kun." His had snapped up to see Hinata.

"Hinata-chan! What are you doing?"

"He said you weren't allowed in, nothing about me coming to see you." She blushed hard.

The boy grinned ear to ear and glomped her. Hinata squeaked, but refused to faint.

"Lets go!" Naruto almost shouted as he proceeded to nearly drag her down the road into town.

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Awwww….

Walter: Get me out of this damn thing!

Me: Only if you say the magic words. Then we'll let you out.

Walter: Review. There happy? Now get me out

Me: I will eventually.

Walter: You bitch!


	24. Chapter 24: Winding down

Disclaimer: I do not own Jeff Dunham or Naruto

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**Rescue missions**

"Ugh." Jeff sat up with a throbbing head. "Where am I?"

"Tell us, who are you?"

Jeff looked up to see a man standing over him and several men and women standing behind him. He appeared to be in a cave.

"Jeff Dunham. Who are you?"

"Are you part of Akatsuki?"

"No, I'm looking for them. They have my puppet."

"Sasori of the red Sand?"

"Uh no…Achmed the dead terrorist."

They all looked at each other and shrugged.

"We are survivors of a village destroyed years ago. We are recovering those taken. Several of our women, men and children are with the Akatsuki as servants. You almost gave up our position. We had no choice. We apologize."

"It's alright." Jeff was a bit freaked out. He was knocked unconscious and kidnapped by a group about to attack a terrorist organization. Great.

"So, are these puppets weapons like the Great Puppet Squad of the Sand?"

"No. They're more annoying, but I kinda need all of them back. You see we're not from here…"

"Portal?"

"How did you know?"

"In our travels, we've seen the damages The Portal can do. Some primitive villages have taken to worshipping at and everything it spit out as a goddess or rare god."

"Ok then. Um what happened to the other people?"

"Both of us have been following you for awhile. We fought them off. They were ANBU from the Leaf Village. We figured we'd saved your life."

Well in a way they did. Jeff's cowardly side chirped. But it's kinda important that the ANBU stay near-by. His sensible side argued. The then realized that the cowardly side sounded an awful like Peanut while the sensible sounded a lot like José. Weird.

**Awww**

Hinata and Naruto strolled around the memorial park hand-in-hand. Naruto had run off while holding on to her hand through the town and she called apologies to those they nearly knocked over. He had finally stopped outside the grocery. He had promptly grabbed a bunch of things and paid for them before she could register what was going on and dragging her out again to the park. He had picked a spot with a view of the waterfalls and unrolled a blanket and began pulling out the food.

"Come, sit, eat." He had directed her. They sat and ate and laughed, not a care in the world. Well, Naruto was a bit wary and was keeping an eye out for Neji. Now it was twilight and the fireflies had begun to come out.

"Hey Hinata-chan?"

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Hinata looked up at him.

"Will you go to the festival with me this weekend?" Naruto asked sheepishly.

"Sure." Hinata giggled and turned pink. She had really calmed down a lot.

"Good! Well I should probably take you home now?" Naruto scratched his neck.

"Probably. My father…" She trailed off and the content had melted off her face turning to uneasiness.

They made their way back into town as the lamps started coming on and stores began to close. The restaurants were loud with raucous laughter from those in good spirits as the smell of food wafted on the slight breeze. Hinata leaned into Naruto's shoulder as they walked.

"Hinata! There you are! We've been worried!" Neji turned the corner and snapped. "Stay away from her Naruto!" Neji grabbed her by the arm, ignoring protests from both parties. Hinata threw an immensely upset look at him as she waved. Neji ranted the whole way down the street, leaving Naruto standing in the middle of the road holding the blanket and bag under one arm. He slowly turned and shuffled back to his apartment. He wondered if all the Jinchurriki had to deal with this shit.

**Saved!**

Sasuke squirmed. Lee had fallen asleep on him while he was still face down on the floor.

"Psst…Sasuke." A voice came snaking under the door as water seeped in.

"Suigetsu! Get him off of me!" Sasuke hissed.

Suigetsu materialized and began to roll Lee off when he got decked in the face.

"Oomph!" The unconscious Rock Lee staggered up.

"Oh, I forgot he fights in his sleep." Sasuke added casually

"Screw. YOU." Suigetsu snapped as he turned into water and made his way over to Sasuke and undid his bindings.

"Shut up and hurry up before he actually wakes up. Then we're both screwed." Sasuke hissed.

"Let's go." They both took off running. They managed to avoid ANBU and Jounins by some weird miracle.

"Where is everyone?"

"I don't know. Where are we going?"

"Uchiha complex. It's abandoned. No one will go there." Sasuke and Suigetsu ran towards the general direction.

"So, who was that guy and why did it smell like alcohol in there?"

"Don't ask." Sasuke snarled as he turned his head to look, he collided with something. Or rather someone.

"Sasuke? IS IT REALLY YOU? SASUKE!" The hyperactive ninja promptly glomped him.

"Naruto, we need somewhere to lay low. Can we stay at your apartment for the night?" Sasuke hissed.

"Of course!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke and began running. Suigetsu attempted to keep up. Naruto ushered them in before slamming and locking the door behind them.

"SASUKE-TEME!!!!" Naruto suddenly screeched as he landed a blow to the head. "How could you abandon your village like that?!" Great. More of this.

**Bad Idea**

Sweet Daddy Dee brushed himself off and walked in any direction, trying to find the damn laundry room where they would fix his damn shirt. Did that freak know how much it cost him for this silk shirt. Shit. He soon wandered in to a hallway. There at the end was a sliding door with steam curling underneath. Laundry room. Sweet Daddy Dee opened the door to reveal Konan in a towel getting out of the underground hot spring that ran into their hideout.

"Well Hello Sweet thang. Haha!" Sweet Daddy said suavely. Konan on the other hand screamed obscenities sent a flock of paper birds after him. Sweet Daddy Dee ran off, screaming and trying to fight off the birds. Finally he dove into an empty room and slammed the door. Covered in papercuts and bleeding, he panted and slid down the door. Crazy Bitch! Hot Damn! Aw shit who was he kidding? He was in Love.

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And we wind down my lovelies. Yes, yes. About 3 more chapters before the finale or less. Do me a favor and review? Please?


	25. Chapter 25: THE END IS NEARRRRR

Ahahahaha…WE LIVE and For I! Atrusa Solaris, Have FINALLY seen Jefafa live!!!!! I admit it's been awhile, but still!!!! I did not get to hold up the sign I planned on advertising the fic, but you should all still flood his inbox with the link to the fic hoping he gets the idea and will read it. Remember: Jeff Dunham dot com. Happy New Years!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham or Guitar Guy AKA Brian Haner Sr.

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**Shut up….**

Sasuke woke to an empty apartment. There was a note left on the counter from Naruto saying he was out and there was food in the fridge. Suigetsu was lounging on a couch flipping through the channels on the tiny tv.

"Morning sunshine." Suigetsu called.

"Shut up. Where's Naruto?"

"Thought I was supposed to shut up?"

"Don't be a smartass." Sasuke shocked him with a tiny volt of electricity, causing him to give a yelp.

"Went training."

"Figures." Sasuke grumbled. He meandered over to the fridge which was empty except for some basic groceries such as eggs, butter and milk. The cupboards were full of instant ramen. Sasuke reluctantly took one of the cup noodles, filled it with water and stuck it in the microwave. "He won't be back for awhile."

A loud pounding came from the front door.

"Naruto!" Sakura called. "Naruto get up! I have some things to talk to you about! I hear you in there! Open up or I'll break your door again!"

Sasuke and Suigetsu looked at each other in panic. Suigetsu quickly turned to water and shot into a flowerpot.

"One…Two…THREE!" Sakura kicked the door in before Sasuke could decide what to do. They both stood there in shock.

"What are you doing here? HUH?" Sakura snarled. "Where's Naruto?"

"Dunno. Training?" Sasuke shrugged, trying to remain calm while searching for an exit. "He let me in and spend the night. Woke up to find him gone and there's nothing to eat except Ramen…"

"Shut up." Sakura's voice lowered dangerously.

"Excuse me?"

"Just shut up! You left us! You betrayed us! You deserted us for a creepy evil man! Just shut up!" Sakura screeched as she stomped her foot.

"Hey, now you shut up!"

"No!" Sakura stormed up to him and started screaming n his face. "I hate you so much for doing this to us! You slimy, son of a b-" She was cut off as Sasuke slammed his mouth against hers and the words died.

"Just shut up…" Sasuke thought.

ANBU Fail.

"How the HELL did we lose him?!" One screeched.

"I don't know! They just came from nowhere!" Three cowered.

"Both of you shut up! We need to find him!" Two snapped. The rest nodded in agreement.

"Well, I sense no chakra signatures."

"Your mom doesn't sense chakra signatures." Four muttered under his breath.

"Hey! What did I just say?"

"Dammit." Six sighed in exasperation. "I'm surrounded by idiots." He looked to the sky as if inspiration was a bird that would shit wisdom upon them.

"If you don't shut up, someone or something will hear you!"

"Well at this point, I don't give a flying-"

It was then the branch snapped under all their weight and dropped them into the river.

"You're kidding right?" Tobi asked dryly from their hiding spot.

"Is it even worth killing them?" Zetsu responded.

"_**Not if you have to think about it.**_" Zetsu's other half responded.

"This is true." Tobi agreed. "They're not having a very good day, are they?"

"Nope."

"**_Nope."_** They both responded at the same time.

"This is kinda sad really." Tobi commented. "Can't we just put them out of their misery?"

"Nah. This is too good."

**Plan? What Plan?**

Jeff was attempting to remain calm. He didn't ask for this. This was some bizarre twist of fate. Besides, from the look of it, these people had no plan and intended to storm into a terrorist hideout. Not good. Then they intended for him to e a part of it. Even worse! This world was going to be the death of him, he knew it.

Then he remembered the puppets on his back. José couldn't do anything, Peanut was likely to get himself killed and it wasn't like Melvin or Bubba J would do any good. That left Walter. Hell, if he had a can of beans on him, he'd let him out and let him loose on the hide-out. It'd clear them out and force Achmed to come out. But he had no beans.

"Hey, you guys have any beans?" The group stopped and stared at him. "Nevermind then."

"We do, but why do you need them?" The leader asked confusedly.

"Just and idea." Jeff shrugged.

"Any idea at this point is good." One of the smaller guys voiced from the back.

"Shut up." The leader snapped without turning around.

"Yessir."

**The Wooing of Konan**

Achmed shuffled down the hall. Sasori had finally figured the Prius out and had been cruising around. Achmed had told him he looked gay and was nearly run over. Well, his time was faring better than Sweet Daddy Dee. He had been pursuing the blue haired woman much to her dismay. She had attacked him no less than 42 times for not leaving her alone in the past day and yet he still persisted. The maids were having a busy day cleaning everything up after Konan attacked. Yet Achmed couldn't help but feel amused by the situation.

The Akatsuki themselves were doing their absolute best to stay out of the way and in their rooms. They knew much better than to get in Konan's way when she was in a rampage. The maids and servants did not have the luxury. Already, three of the servants had a substantial amount of paper cuts from close calls while one of the maids had a broken leg from a piece of rubble that fell from the ceiling while cleaning up from the last attack. Pein was ignoring all of the complaints and had holed himself up in his office after barricading the door with a mixture of items. He had too much experience with her anger to even let there be a chance that she might come barging in. No, he was nice and safe-

BAM.

The shelf went flying along with the remains of the various seals that had been strategically placed around the door while the silhouette of an angry woman filled the door.

"Nagato." Konan hissed.

Ah shit.

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Woohoo! Getting close to the end. I say this every chapter, but the end really is nearing my friends.

Walter: THANK GOD. Now review so I can go home dumbasses.


	26. Chapter 26: le author's note

Disclaimer: I do not own Jefafa or Naruto. DAMN.

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Hey Guys, you all probably hate me by now, but I have decided to re-awaken the great beast called Pisses Me Off. It's been hectic, not gonna lie. A new Chapter will be up soon. Perhaps within the next two weeks so keep an eye out for it!

Walter: YEAH RIGHT! YOU LYING BITCH!

Me: SHUT UP AND GET BACK IN THE DAMN SCROLL.

Victor: Well then hurry up! I kind of, oh I dunno, WANT TO GO HOME YOU WHORE! Where girls DON'T attack me with knives and puppets don't come to life….

Me: Oh suck it up. Well, until the next update!


	27. Chapter 27: 26: What do you mean?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jeff Dunham

Chapter 26: What do you mean we're back?

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**NO! NOW!**

Pein looked up at the raging woman in front of him.

"Can I help you?" He asked calmly.

"I. Want. Him. Gone." She seethed.

"Whom might you be talking about my lovely flower?"

"Shut. Up. HIM. That so-called, Pimp! I want him gone. He's attempted to pimp out our servants, he keeps following me around and I want him gone."

"Then kill him yourself."

"I've tried. He won't DIE!" She screeched as she slammed her fists on his desk, leaving two deep grooves, her normally perfectly sleeked blue hair starting to come undone, giving her quite the appearance of madness.

"Very well. I shall take care of it. Go send me some maids to clean up this mess you've made and I shall get to it this week."

"NO. Not this week. NOW NAGATO!"

"You know, you are unbelievably sexy when you're angry." Pein leaned forward and gave a wolfish grin, only to be smacked across the face. "Feisty too. I like that."

"Wassup bitches? HAHA! Tch." Sweet Daddy Dee spoke from the doorway. "Sweet thang, I hope you ain't cheatin' on me with metal face over here."

Pein rolled his chair back upon seeing the look on Konan's face and took cover as the zing of thousands of paper birds filled the air.

"Ah shit, not again!"

**Sexiled**

Suigetsu sulked on Naruto's roof. He had voluntarily removed himself from the situation in the living room where Sasuke and the pink-haired girl were still making out on Naruto's couch. So he had decided to occupy himself with the various scrolls laying around the hyperactive ninja's room. He was having quite a lot of fun with the novelty jutsus. Especially the one that turned you into a girl.

"Hey!" Naruto called up to him. "What are you doing up there?"

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you." Suigetsu warned.

"And why is that? It's my house!"

"Just trust me. Don't go in there."

Naruto jumped up on the roof and sat down next to him.

"So are you going to tell me why?"

"Because those two are in there going at it." Suigetsu grumbled.

"Those two?"

"Sasuke and the pink haired girl."

"WHAT?" Naruto screeched as he jumped off the roof, flung open the door and ran inside. There was a scream followed by two other screams, another scream and Naruto came flying out of his apartment looking scarred for life as he huddled in fetal position next to Suigetsu.

"Told you so."

**Scroll land**

"What the hell is this place?" Walter grunted as he stared around at the tropical surroundings, his fellow puppets by his side.

"Welcome to the land of Summons." A giant Aardvark stood in front of him.

"What now?" Peanut asked. "Oh look! A POOL!" He took off running towards a waterfall.

"It's too humid here." Walter grumbled.

"Will yew shut up for once?" Bubba snapped as he toddled over to the rocks by the water and cracked open a beer.

"Indeed!" Melvin nodded.

"I wish Achmed were here." Peanut sighed from the water. "I would quite enjoy using him as a flotation device."

"The Land of Summons is where all summons stay until we are well...summoned." The Aardvark explained.

"That explains a whole lot." Walter grumbled sarcastically. "So basically we're stuck here until the Dumbass decides he wants us?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"We're never getting out of here." Walter announced as he threw his hands in the air.

* * *

Yes yes. Longer than two weeks. Small update. More to come. I promise

Walter: WE CAN'T TRUST YOU!

Me: SHADDUPPPPPPP


End file.
